Hello.
I couldn't sleep. Went to the gym earlier. I tried all sorts of exercises there, trying to make sure that I'll be deadbeat tired when I get back so that after showering I could sleep. But no ... The body is tired, but the mind is active. *sigh* I just can't sleep. Every time I try to get comfortable in bed, Mr. Teardrops would come for a visit. And because I'm tired of turning into a human water tap, here I am sitting in front of my laptop, writing nonsense.
It's the month of May.
Time really does fly.
My post for these couple months had not been cheerful. But please, don't think that I'm not happy. In the midst of all those turmoils in my life, there are times that are happy for me. I'd be sitting there, laughing like there's no tomorrow. So, it's not always tears for me. There are occasional laughter now and then. GENUINE laughter, I meant.
How about today?
Bittersweet.
*sigh*
Hey you. You know I'm talking to you right now. You don't have to keep on doing this to me. I get it. You want me to go. It's what you wish for. But my heart tells me to stay. Not hoping for sympathy and love. No, I know I can no longer get that from you in your current situation. But, my heart tells me to stay coz my heart wants to make sure that you're happy. Genuinely happy. Not just some fake smile you plaster onto your face for the whole world to see. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me ... I know, coz I've been doing the same thing. I know what you're feeling coz hey, aren't we in the same situation now? Trying to be strong in the eyes of the one we love but can't have? *sigh* Don't you get tired sometimes? My heart aches see-ing you in your current situation. And after what you told me earlier, it aches even more ... Don't do this to yourself ... You're scaring me. Especially after one particular sentence when I told you that I'm tired. You know which sentence I'm talking about. Don't say that. That scares me. Truly. *sobsob*
So much to tell you, with limited emotions to show. I guess you kinda know what I'm feeling by that. I pray you'll be truly happy soon. And one day you'll find that someone that you've hoped for. Someone who will understand you, your actions and your feelings. Someone who can truly share your burden. Someone truly prefect and has everything. Someone who will make you happy. Wish I was that someone but I guess you've shown me that I can't.
You can ask me to let go. I'll grant you that. You can ask me to stop loving. I'll learn how to. But don't ask me to stop caring. You too precious to me and my heart won't allow it. I'm sorry. Bear with me a little longer. It's getting easier for me each day to let go ... ...
I suddenly remembered a phrase from Celine Dion's song. It goes like this:
" I wanna find a place where dreams can happen,
I wanna find a love who'll take me there ... "
Can I?
Will I?
Gotta go now. I'm starting to turn into a human water tap again. It's giving me a headache. I need to sleep. It's 2.30am!!! Why won't sleep come to me? :'(
I couldn't sleep. Went to the gym earlier. I tried all sorts of exercises there, trying to make sure that I'll be deadbeat tired when I get back so that after showering I could sleep. But no ... The body is tired, but the mind is active. *sigh* I just can't sleep. Every time I try to get comfortable in bed, Mr. Teardrops would come for a visit. And because I'm tired of turning into a human water tap, here I am sitting in front of my laptop, writing nonsense.
It's the month of May.
Time really does fly.
My post for these couple months had not been cheerful. But please, don't think that I'm not happy. In the midst of all those turmoils in my life, there are times that are happy for me. I'd be sitting there, laughing like there's no tomorrow. So, it's not always tears for me. There are occasional laughter now and then. GENUINE laughter, I meant.
How about today?
Bittersweet.
*sigh*
Hey you. You know I'm talking to you right now. You don't have to keep on doing this to me. I get it. You want me to go. It's what you wish for. But my heart tells me to stay. Not hoping for sympathy and love. No, I know I can no longer get that from you in your current situation. But, my heart tells me to stay coz my heart wants to make sure that you're happy. Genuinely happy. Not just some fake smile you plaster onto your face for the whole world to see. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me ... I know, coz I've been doing the same thing. I know what you're feeling coz hey, aren't we in the same situation now? Trying to be strong in the eyes of the one we love but can't have? *sigh* Don't you get tired sometimes? My heart aches see-ing you in your current situation. And after what you told me earlier, it aches even more ... Don't do this to yourself ... You're scaring me. Especially after one particular sentence when I told you that I'm tired. You know which sentence I'm talking about. Don't say that. That scares me. Truly. *sobsob*
So much to tell you, with limited emotions to show. I guess you kinda know what I'm feeling by that. I pray you'll be truly happy soon. And one day you'll find that someone that you've hoped for. Someone who will understand you, your actions and your feelings. Someone who can truly share your burden. Someone truly prefect and has everything. Someone who will make you happy. Wish I was that someone but I guess you've shown me that I can't.
You can ask me to let go. I'll grant you that. You can ask me to stop loving. I'll learn how to. But don't ask me to stop caring. You too precious to me and my heart won't allow it. I'm sorry. Bear with me a little longer. It's getting easier for me each day to let go ... ...
I suddenly remembered a phrase from Celine Dion's song. It goes like this:
" I wanna find a place where dreams can happen,
I wanna find a love who'll take me there ... "
Can I?
Will I?
Gotta go now. I'm starting to turn into a human water tap again. It's giving me a headache. I need to sleep. It's 2.30am!!! Why won't sleep come to me? :'(
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