11.12.13

Look at the date.

I am not surprised that lots of people chose to get married today. It will be a long time til we get to see this date again. So people tend to make today's date a memorable date.

Me?

Same old, same old.

Woke up late for work, rushed like a crazy woman, worked my butt off, OT-ed as usually, came home tired.

Nithing memorable, at all.

How about u?

How did you spend your 11.12.13? 

Random blabberings.

Good night poppets!

xoxo

Long Hiatus Mode

Hello.

It's already October. And where have I been missing? 

Started a new job at the end of May, at first I threw myself whole heartedly into it. It was the start of a big project. Everything up from scratch. And I, I got stuck doing long Over-times in the offfice. Day after day, week after week, month after month. *sigh* 

I'm lucky Love is understanding. I am working longer hours than he is now. We're so used to him working long hours, we're learning to get use to me working long hours as well. And he has all the patience in the world to go throught this rough period with me.

Amomgst the busy periods, managed to went back to Sri Aman during 1 long weekend and Love joined me too. Visited le Grandparents, my grandma especially was not doing too well. She had a minor stroke and I was shocked to see how much she has changed since the last I saw her. I pray she will hang in there. 

Not enough with all those, Love and I have our own personal problems to solve and settle. Oh the hardness of not being able to share this with any of my girls...but it won't do them any good anyway. The little feelings and sensations I go through and feel each day, I can only keep it to myself. What was meant to be such a happy event, I cannot share. Not even with Love because it will sadden him. And I cannot put him through much more. Sometimes, its true what people say. The person going throught the process has to be so much stronger, because you have to be strong for yourself and the people around you. Doesn't make any sense? You'll understand when certain situation comes to you in the future... 

But then I know Love is trying to be strong for me as well. Love, he is not a persson that is good with words. He doesn't know exactly how to express his feelings. We're different in this. I am into literature, poetries, songs...Love is into gadgets, technology, digital stuffs. So I know how much effort he took when he opened up to me one night by trying to comfort me. He said, no matter how depress or sad I might feel, I must remember that he is always there for me. He will always be there and will never leave. We're just a phone call away. What he said that night made me smile (while trying my best to hold back my tears). 

It will be his birthday this Friday. And he really doesn't ask for much. 

Sometimes I wonder if God is putting us throught these hardship as a test. Or is it a sign? I'm not sure.. 

Anyway, I don't know if this post makes any sense. But me being me, I feel better getting it out in words. 

Good night poppets. Time for bed now. 

I feel old.

xoxo

12.12.12

Tick-tock!

Beautiful date today.

Hello. Just realized that I haven't been blogging since I started working. Been superbly busy, at the end of the days I always end up being too tired or lazy to blog. Actually right now, I am feeling a bit sleepy. But forcing myself to blog, because of the beautiful date today.

So, 12.12.12

12th of December, 2012

This morning I tweeted that 10 years ago, one of my aim and goal in life was to get married on this date. Since 12 is my favourite number, this would have been the perfect date for me. 

Childish wishes and dreams.

:)

Last year I accepted the fact that there's no chance of me getting married on my dream date. So I said to myself, let's at least do sonething during that date to make it memorable. So that in another 10 years, I could think back and remember what I was doing on 12.12.12

So what did I do today?

Woke up early, took a shower, hang out the laundry, cooked rice for doggies' dinner (and also mine), drove to work, tidied up table, checked emails, update training matrix, settle timesheet problems, constantly looking for payslip, go thru list of names on which contract to extend, call here and there, go up and down, drove back home, cooked dinner, took in dry laundry, had dinner, gave doggies dinner, watched Nickelodeon while folding baju, showered, did laundry, checked on love, blog.

Exciting huh? Very memorable.

If I was still staying near to love, would have at least tried dropping by his place with maybe a cake. But we're at each ends of Miri and he is tired from going throught a stressful day. So hey, I'll just let 12.12.12 go.. 

Actually there's lots to blog about. My working life, KL trip to watch Big Bang, le bf meeting my mum, one of my babe's Engagement Dinner, Company Dinner, Pre Christmas dinner, Mammoth Mass, baking Red Velvet, Brunei trip....oh so many.

But tired eyes are asking me to sleep soon....

I feel old... In another 12 more days, I will be officially a year older.

Age is catching up.

Will blog again, hopefully before I fly off to Singapore!

Good night poppets!

Bye 12.12.12

xoxoxo

The Post of Shame

Hehehehe

I know in the previous post I've been ranting about how bored and stress I am lately. And how worried I am about hearing nothing from any of the companies I've appkued to or gone for interviews. 

But then, God works in mysterious ways.

After ranting, I went out for a cycle then after that went to walk the dogs to give them exercises. And during that frame of time, I received 3 good news. Well, 1 is really not official yet. 

Good news #1 would be about my friend from Day 1 in Uni and also room-mate for a year. She finally gave birth to a healthy and adorable baby boy. I actually cried coz I've been missing her and the lil one so much since she went back to Kuching in June. Can't wait to meet her and the lil one in December. 

Good news #2 would be the unofficial good news because I havent really received THE CALL yet. My friend was too excited and texted me about it. Yes, I am finally jobless no more. Monday, 8th October 2012, marks the beginning of the next chapter in life for me. But, still have to wait for THE CALL first to make it official. 

Good news #3 would be about another close friend. I know I just met her and this group of girlfriends last year, but I've bonded with them so fast. I am grateful for these girls that unknowingly helped me get over my past and start again. I love these girls, along with some of the other girlfriends that has really stayed with me through thick and thin. And now, one of these girls from my new circle of friends just told me that she will be getting engage in November, not August next year. 

Oh happiness! 

Right after ranting about how stress on how boring my life has been lately.

*shameshameshame*

Thank you Heavenly Father, for everything.

xoxoxo

S.T.R.E.S.S

Sick and tired of this.

What's "this"?

The blaming game.

I'm tired of waking up everyday, knowing it will be another boring day for me.

Wake up, collect dirty laundries, start the washing, sweep the floor, mop them too sometimes, give the dogs bath sometimes, have my breakfast, hang out the washed laundries. When my aunt is not around, I'll start to think of what to cook for lunch/dinner. If she is around, then I have nothin else to do til around 4-5pm. Thats when I would go and collect the dry laundries, sometimes go and pick up my cousin and brother from school, get ready for dinner, eat, clean up after dinner, feed doggies, clean up kitchen. Then later around 7-8pm, I'll be in the living room, folding the laundry as usual. 

And so, other then that in all the times in between, what did I do? I read, I go online, I read some more, I go pester the dogs, I lay around. 

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?!

Now receiving complains from my mum to not always be on the phone or reading. Get up, go and talk to people. 

Now here's the question. My aunt is always busy with her work in her room. My akek, whom I still have difficulty conversing with in Kayan, would be outside with his 'jala' and other stuff. When my cousins come over during their lunch break, they'd sleep. SO WHOM AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO? 

Waiting day by day for the response from any company or inteviews that I've attended. Zero. Ziltch. Nothing.

STRESS

They think I laze around all day carefree and not a single worry in my head? NO! 

EVERY.SINGLE.SECOND.I.AM.WORRY.

That is why I read. The more stress and worried I am, the more I will read. Especially at times like this where it is not easy for me to go out and chill wit my girls. Sometimes, that's all I need. A different environment for 2-3 hours, girlfriends to chitchat and gossip with, some bit of music, or maybe nice sceneries in front of me. That's all I need to release my stress. But since I can only go out once a week with love (coz I'm afraid if I go out more than once a week then people wi complain that I go out too much), reading is all I have left.

AND YET PEOPLE STILL COMPLAIN

i.give.up

Bye la!

Extract from the heart and mind

Hello poppets.

It's been awhile.

Things has been a bit challenging for me in these few months. The people around me may not notice but I've been struggling. Struggling to keep my sanity and to remain as patient as ever... 

After mass today, I met up with some of my babes for Raya Visiting then just a short catch up session with them at Beach Republic. Coming back from this session made me realize how much I really miss them and how much left out I am from their lifes as I listen to their chit-chats. It made me a bit teary as I drove back, made me miscalculated the angle of the car and almost denting it on the gate. My bad, and my first mistake since driving that White Tiger.

I've been keeping this to myself because if I were to voice it out loud, I would be deemed as rude and ungrateful. And believe me when I say that I am ever so grateful. It's just I find it unfair sometimes...

So for the past few months, I've been staying with my relative. I enjoy being with my cousins, they bring out a part of me that makes me miss my sister lesser than usual. And yes, when you're staying with your relatives for free, the only way you can pay them back is to help around the house. This too I don't really mind because as the eldest child and also being a girl, it has always been part of my responsibility at home. So, day by day I'd do my part quietly while the lists of tasks starts to grow. Still I keep quiet and just do my part. Even if I slept late the night before, I'd make sure to force myself to wake up early and start on the list of tasks. If not then I would feel guilty. The earlier I start then the earlier I'd finish and the earlier I can do stuff on my own. I keep quiet and do all this because I wouldn't want to give my parents any reasons to worry or think that I am ungrateful..

And another thing. Staying with your relatives, means you have to respect their lifestyle and also their set of rules. Which means less going out and being stuck at home. I know this is because they worry for our safety and all. Everything and every decision made, there are sure to be reasons for them. 

But.. here comes the part I find hard. And difficult to explain because they never ask me.

I'm sorry for going out at nights and making them worry about whether I'd reach home safe and sound. But I am sorry too because I won't stop from going out at night, even if its only 1-2 times a week. Why? I gave up most of my time to go out and be with my babes. And I know most of them has already given up on asking me out for lunch or dinner or just to chill... Because every time they ask, my same reasons and excuses are starting to sound lame. So yeah, I'm cut off from most of my babes' life and activities. But sorry, please don't cut me off from him. It's already unbearable to be only meeting him 1-2 times a week and only getting to spend 2-3 hours together. 

Him, working 12 hours a day, 7am-7pm. EVERYDAY. I know how tiring it is for him, and to have him drive all the way out here to pick me up just so we can spend 2-3 hours together. It makes me wanna cry sometimes. And I am always missing him. So I'm sorry but I will continue to make them worry, just so I can get my 2-3 hours with him once or twice a week...

And don't even get me started on his off days. That, that occurs only once in a blue moon. So, I'm sorry again. I will take that chance to spend every hour possible with him. But don't worry. Everytime before going out with him, I always make sure that I've done my duty. Every task expected from me to be done at home, done. So that when I go out, I won't feel guilty of not completing my part. 

I'll be 26 this year. I know it is hard for them to adjust themselves to that fact. We children will always be little kids in their eyes. But I just wish they won't worry too much and have more faith. I know I may look blurry and innocent at times, too much that it is possible to be bullied. But hey, I've been through so much more than they will ever know. Yes I'll still make mistakes once in a while, but I need space to breathe. 

The fact that we always have to be stuck at home and not really alowed to go out at night eventhough we did our part in te housechores was the main reasons most of my other cousins ran away from staying here. Don't worry. I still have lots of patient and perserverance. I can take anything. Any command, any task. I can do it dutifully and quietly. Just let me have my moments with him.

I'm losing my babes, bit by bit. I can't lose him as well.
So, I am really and truly sorry.
I know how much they have done for me. The magnitude of deeds that they've done to help me, I don't know how much I can pay back. For that, I am grateful and continue to do my tasks at home quietly.
It's okay. Thinking positively, this will be a part of training to settle down in my own home with my own family one day in the future.
But that part of going out at night with him, I will continue being stubborn.

Trying hard to not withdraw back into my shell of silence.
Let's continue smiling shall we? 

Burden off my chest

Missing ♥ tonight. Kinda hard to adjust back after having him with me for 7 nights in a row. Last night was the best. Pillow talks, telling each other more about ourselves and finally having the courage to open up about our own dark past.

I was surprised of his past. Yes I know no one is perfect. Heck, I've said that a few times before, stressing that I am not perfect. I listen, I understand, then I let go. Why should I hold on to his stories of his past? His past shaped his character today, all the lesson learnt to bring out a better person. I don't really care about his past. It's a future with him that I care about. Focus on today to create a better future together, yes? :)

Even my past has not been all rainbows and butterflies. There were things that I've hidden from my new circle of friends. Only those that I feel close and worthy knows about my past. And he deserves to know all of me, then he can decide whether he can accept me for who I am. That's why I finally had the courage to open up about my past. I know he was a bit shocked. But I can see that he tried to accept it.

Tell me, have you ever just suddenly realized how much in love you are with one person? And to wonder how is it even possible to fall even more in love as each day passes. If all the heartache and pain I've been through for the past few years were meant to lead me to this person, I have no regrets. In fact, I will do it all over again and not change a thing. Just as long as in the end, I get to meet, know, like and love this guy. Thank you Heavenly Father, for answering my prayer. Could You go even further to give us courage to face any obstacles that You would place before us as tests.

I love this guy. He really is different. Being with him, I dont have to always be conversing. Just having him near me with the silence hanging around us, makes me feel safe. Just because he is near me.

Can't wait to see what the future has in stored for us.
Just like the lyrics from my all time fave song (and a must wedding song!) At The Beginning by Donna Lewis & Richard Marx.

"We were strangers, on a crazy adventure. Never dreaming how our dreams would come true."

Off to bed. Yes I know its a bit early for me. But then I didn't had enough sleep (coz I rather be awake talking to him) and woke up early to pack and clean up my room and stuffs. I am now currently at my aunt's place, job hunting. Bit far from that some one but thanking the Lord that we are actually still within driving distance.

So, good night now poppets.

xoxoxo

2012

Whoa.

It's already the month of March. I haven't been for quite some time now. Not that I don't have anything to write about. Heck, I have LOTS to write about. I was just too lazy to switch on my laptop and type. Yeah, this is what happens when my dad introduced Le Tab into our family and hands it over to me. I do everything with Le Tab now. My Baby Galaxy is only for calling, Tweeting and Whatsapp-ing. Yes, I can blog with Le Tab. But my fingers are too fat and I keep on creating typos. And besides, it doesn't feel the same to be using anything else besides my laptop for creating blog-posts. 

So, what's new?

Week 2 for Semester 1, 2012 has started. And me, being oh-so-clever is back with only 2 units to complete. Which means I only have 4 classes per week. Mondays and Tuesdays are no classes days. Then for Wednesdays and Thursdays I'll be free by the afternoons. And as for Fridays, only 1 and a half hour of class to attend. So, I am very free. For now. 

Spent my RM200 book voucher on 7 new books. 3 for me, 2 for my lil brother, 1 for my bestie and the last is for someone. So for the moment, I have 5 books to be read (1 a gift from a friend and 1 borrowed). Oh, and speaking of that someone....

That someone is the same person I talked about on my last post. Things have developed amongst us, and yet we are still as before. In fact, I met up with him again end of December. We went out for some drinks and just catch up. But then, the drinking session went wrong. Oh my, I am not a good drinker. And him, he blurted out something that means made me confuse. I don't know whether it was his intention or not but what he said that night made everything I've questioned before makes sense. But where do we stand now? Still no strings attached.
 "Time will tell."

What else??

My room mate is pregnant! I am so excited for her! 

So far, I have 4 pregnant friends and 1 new mum. 

Like wow. 

Sometimes I wonder, when is it my turn. Coz I am a big fan of babies and toddlers.

But then, I am in no rush.

So, I guess this should be enough for tonight.

Le Tab is calling me. :)

Until next post.

xoxoxo

Slow and Steadfast

Hello poppets.

This is gonna be a short post.

Just wanted to write down what has been happening lately.

I've been having midnight conversations with someone lately.

We used to talk a lot on the phone.

But then there was a period where the two of us sort of drifted apart.

But only for a while.

Now that person is back, and we are getting along just fine.

I tell myself each and every time we talk on the phone that this is nothing much.

That this is only just friendship.

If it were to be something else, 

"Time Will Tell".

I gotta go now.

Crashed onto my cousins laptop for this short post while she's away busy.

Til next time then.

xoxoxo

24 more days!!

No doubt about it.

December is my favorite month of the year.

Not because my birthday is in December...

But because CHRISTMAS!!

(♥‿♥)

But besides that

December is a fav because...

It is the time of year where we can look back and see how much we have achieved throughout the year.

It when we can reminisce all the good times spent,

let go of the bad,

and try to do better next year.

So what would be the memories etched forever as part of 2011?

# New group of CRAZY friends that made the entire year memorable

# Jazz fest + One of the girls Bday after that

# International Night

# Curtin Open Day

# More birthday celebration of the girls

# 10th of July

# 3rd of August

# CURTIN PROM

Oh there are more from throughout the years.

And there will be more in this month of December.

There are also bad times.

But hey, why should we dwell in the bad times?

All and all, 2011 has been so much more better than the previous year.

2012 will be here soon!!

So December, be fun for me!!

♥☃❄☃❄☃♥

xoxoxo

Mad World?

Hello.

Listening to the Glee Project's version of Mad World now.

It says a bit on what I've been feeling for the month of November.

A lot has happened since my last emo post.

Everyday I am learning.

Hey, people always say that I am a strong person, so that means I should be strong right?

A friend says that my heart is stubborn and that my eyes are blind.

Hm...maybe he is right.

But then, forgive me for being like that.

The past has really changed me, a lot.

Besides that all, results are out.

And looks like I will be seeing Curtin again next year.

Not as its graduate but as its student again.

Crap.

What else?

Oh, the other him is back.

And acting a bit weird.

Close friends are telling me to let loose this time.

But how can they understand that I am afraid that history will repeat itself again.

I cannot and will not go through that again.

"Time will tell."

December is just a few more hours again.

2010's December has been hellish.

How will 2011's December treat me?

I have 4 friends getting married this December.

And I am so happy for them.

:)

Other than that, I hope 2011's ending will be nice.

Better go shower now.

Take care loves.

xoxo

What is Hope?

Do I look like I am still hoping?

How should one stop hoping?

Yes, I am hoping.

But then, people should know....

The things that we hope for changes as time passes.

Today I may be hoping for something, 

then tomorrow I might be hoping for something else.

"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all" ~ Emily Dickinson

So keep on hoping people.

But don't let it stop you from living.

xoxoxo

Life.Choices.Decisions.

It started out with a simple question, felt at that moment of time.

"Why is life not fair sometimes?"

And from there on, the advises starts pouring in. And with those advises, the long held back tears started to fall. But luckily it didn't last for long. This time, there's a certain someone that made me laugh even though the tears were still falling.

Here's yet another person that says I am a strong girl. When the fact is, I don't think I am. Well, maybe sometimes I can be. But to always be strong, it's so tiring. Maybe it is my fault for always putting on a smiling brave face for the world to see whenever facing problems but when I am alone safe and sound in my room I would cry my heart out. And yet, what else can I do? Sure, my tears may fall easily. Especially when I am watching a sad movie. But that's it, tears that are evoked from the sad life of others. Real tears that are evoked from my own emotions, very few people has been given the opportunity to see them. Not even my parents. I hide them away. And thus, the high expectation of people that I must always be strong. Especially in times like this. Hence, the issue of life being not fair arises. 

And so, after much thinking on the advises that I have received from two people....I can put it this way.

Yes, life may seem unfair sometimes. These "sometimes" are usually the times where you would let your mind wander off and think of the nonsenses that happened around you. If you were to close your eyes and focus on appreciating the little things that you have now and that is happening around you, you won't feel that life is unfair. And that is what I should do. Appreciate the little things happening that makes me happy, don't think of the what could have been and have faith that God is going to handle the big perfect picture with all the little things that I appreciate...

On people's expectation on me, well...as that someone told me... People may place high expectation on us sometimes and maybe for now we will not be able to live up to their expectations. But it's okay. As time passes and we grow up, we will soon be able to fill those expectations. Go through each day with God in our heart, and things will be okay. Life is about acting too sometimes,to please the people around us when they expect too much from us. But from that, we will soon be able to learn a lot and in time build up our personality. 

On issues of searching for the answers for the questions I have in life, people would always tell me the same thing, "Time will tell". To me, "Time is nothing", and yet this person says that "Time is everything". Allow me to point out something for you all to ponder on. Time is Nothing when you are happy with what you have in life and appreciate all the little miracles around you. But when you are expecting for something more from life, that is when you will see that Time is actually Everything. Am I right or am I wrong?  So, which part of life are you in now? Maybe in between?

Life can be ironic sometimes. To have found that person. To be so close and yet so far. To be so comfortable with him. To only remain friends and as each day passes by, realize that that is all he is and meant to be. To be sad about how things ended up to be and yet in the same time to have him add more laughters in your life. To feel that you have known him for a lifetime even though its has only been a month. To have him give you advises on things that you once hoped from him. But most importantly, to have him give you hope and encourage you more to be excited and not be afraid of the future. Yes, life can be ironic sometimes. And yet maybe, this is a blessing in disguise.

And so as I head off to bed after this, I would hope that I am somewhat a bit wiser and somehow a bit more courageous to face the future.


Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Each and everyone of you.
For making my life seem more beautiful.
I love each and everyone of you.
With all my heart and soul.
Sincerely I do.


xoxoxo

Destiny?

A night out together.

Drinks.

Small talks. Chit Chats.

Little memorable gestures.

Jokes.

Smiles. Laughters.

That infectious laughter I love to hear.

Feeling of comfort. Cosy.

A hug. A peck on the cheek. 

A suppressed sigh.

Unfulfilled dreams.

Life. Fate. Destiny.

I did it again...

Hi. Hello. When was the last time I wrote? I think that would be roughly at the beginning of this semester, around 6 weeks ago.

And so ... what has happened since 6 weeks has gone by?

1. Half of the semester has gone. 6 weeks left to finish!

2. I have an awesome room mate that keeps me laughing most of the time.

3. I have tonnes of work to be done but I keep getting lazier as time passes.

4. Its been a while but I am sure now I only see that person as a friend.

5. I've gotten myself a new piercing. My last and final piercing.

6. I am trying to lose weight for Prom which is on the 30th of Sept.

7. I am homesick.

8. My heart might be in trouble again.

So, that is pretty much a summary of all that has happened in the 6 weeks I haven't been writing.

I dunno why but I do feel extra lazy this sem. The nearer it gets to the end, the more I want to just have fun and enjoy around with the girls here. Funny right? *sigh* There are times when I am super rajin, I will be doing all my work in a fast-paced mode. But once that dose of laziness is here, sayonara la everyone. I will be on the bed, reading craps and just being lazy.

Right now, my heart might be in trouble again. I won't say anything more. I'm tired to keep on talking about my heart. What I know for sure now is that I am missing some one and I know that it is pointless because he sees me as a friend only. End of story.

Ok bye. need to be rajin a bit and do some readings. Eh, not some. A LOT!!

Until the next post,

xoxoxo

Moments of Insecurities...

I am supposed to be revising for my finals. But lately, a lot has happened. Knowing me, I can't pay full attention until I let off some of the load I'm feeling. Where else can I do that except here? ;)

Are you happy being single? Some one asked me that question few days ago. I happily told that person, Yes. Comparing me to the person I was last year and the year before, I am so much more happy. Some friends tell me to take my time to heal before venturing into the world of relationships again. Others would tell me be brave and just try again. But hey, I'll just smile and say, "We'll see".

The truth is, this heart of mine is still afraid. Bcoz from what I've been through, everytime I fall for someone, it would either not work out or I would end up being hurt real bad.

So for now, whenever some one asks me, I'll just smile.

Moving on to something else that is completely has no link to what I've talking about earlier.... Tonight I'll be praying extra hard for strength. There's something I have to do tomorrow that I dread. I am afraid but I know I have to do it.

Ok, back to studying. I can't wait for Monday to come. Not because I'm super clever and can't wait to sit for my paper. But because I'll be meeting one of my reason that made me smile throughout this semester.

xoxoxo

I miss....

Hello there poppets!! ;)

Dunno why but that phrase just popped up. So random.

Lately I've been in a lovey-dovey mood. Went to sleep at night listening to songs like Jason Derulo's What If. Maybe its because of all these wedding invitation that I have been receiving. Up till today, I've received 7 wedding invitation and also 2 engagement invitations. So, lovey-dovey mood kicking in...

I'm not saying that I desperately wanna be in a relationship. No, I'm happy now. Enjoying my life with the new circle of gfs and thr environment they bring. But sometimes at night, I kinda miss some things that only being in a relationship can provide.

I kinda miss playing around with sum1, being just the silly me and giggling to whatever silly jokes that only we get.

I miss feeling so small and vulnerable in the arms of sum1 that loves me. I miss the cosy, protected feelings.

I miss the quietness and content feeling when i'm with sum1.

Yes, yes, I know I'm a dreamer. But hey, thats just me. ;)

I miss a lot of things, but I'm not in a rush. When the time is right, I guess I will feel all those again. With the right person. Til then, I'll just smile and enjoy each and every passing day to the fullest.

;)

Early morning!

6.30 in the morning and I'm at the beach. The sound of waves crashing on the shores are the most soothing sounds for me. It always have been. I love the beach. Why are people wasting their time sleeping when they can be strolling?

From where I'm sitting, I can see the jetty. Haven't been there for quite a while. But I guess, I don't really wanna go there... The memories, ah! Go away! :(

Last night was horrible. Simply horrible. I was really looking forward to this. But last night, I locked myself in the bathroom, quietly crying my heart out. Plain torture ok? I know I've said I moved on. But as strong and patient as I seem, I don't have enough strength to just sit there and watch someone I used to love being lovey-dovey with someone else. Pure torture okay?

Ok, I hear questions asked in why am I torturing myself like this. FYI, it was supposed to be us friends only. But then, ***** couldn't trust XX and so tagged along. Fine, I told myself I will be okay. I'll just talked to my other friends, XX's cousin. But then, she bailed. Said she was too tired to join us. Argh!! So it was only the 3 of us left. Damn. If I knew my other friend would bail, I would rather not come along. Eventhough I haven't seen XX for almost a month now, I'd rather not meet XX at all then torture myself...

But I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it. Going to jump into the pool later and just ignore ***** for the whole day. She's caused me so many pain. So I don't think I owe her anything. K gtg. Sandflies are killing me.

Gtg and put on my smiling face again. :)

xoxo

Updates Updates Updates

How long has it been? Time really do fly by. April is coming to an end soon. Can't believe this. *sigh*

So..... What's new? Nothing much actually. Still have tonnes of assignments to do but I'm so lazy. I've recovered from my fever+flu+cough. Hm.. What else?

Been around with a new group of friends now. God really is answering my prayer.. :)

Once in a while when I let myself drift back towards my past, I feel all the heartache and longings rush back to me, full blast. I know I shouldn't be doing this but, I dunno. I'm still a fool I guess. Thats why I am really greatful for this bunch of new friends around me. A change of scenery I guess. At least being with them doesn't always reminds me of the past.

Ok. I better go now. Wanna watch a movie. Need to pay attention. :)

xoxo

April already?!

April. Wow. Why is time passing by so fast?! I'm not even having a good time. Or maybe I am, without realizing it. Hmmm... Is doing assignments and tutorial questions considered as having a good time?? Haha.

I know, I know... Even with wifi 24/7 at home I'm still not writing regularly. I dunno. There's nothing much to say now anyway. Hmmm... Lemme think first what has happened recently in my life.

**thinking**

Okay. Last night I felt relieved. After telling what was really happening to a friend of mine. But I felt a bit bad too for telling her what our friend was going through bcoz I know she has a soft and caring heart. The story I told might her sad and worried. And that was just the summary! But still, felt relieved.

I'm supposed to be tidying up my room now because the landlady will be coming. My air-con socket seems to be having problem. So she's coming over to check. Feeling a bit nervous 'coz I've never met her. Hehe.

Ow! I bought wall stickers to decorate my room a bit. There's a lotof space in my new room and my hand itches to do something artsy on the walls. So far there's 2 spot where I've covered with wall stickers. Still thinking what to do next. Maybe cover it with more wall stickers and try to create a story out of them. Haha.

And for the last 2 night I dreamt of the past. I dunno why the past suddenly decided to come back and haunt my dreams 'coz I've been doing okay. I mean, sure there are a part of me thats still a bit sad over what had happened but I'm not letting that sad part of me take over my life like it used to. But those dreams, makes me sad when I wake up. But its okay. 'Coz later on during the day, I'll just focus on something else and be happy again. ;)

What else? What else? Yesterday had salmon for lunch at Sanga Japanese Restaurant. But I forgot to take a pic coz I was too hungry. Haha.

Maybe I can stop now? Coz I'm out of ideas. Will write again soon.

xoxo