If I Could Have Just One Kiss?

Haha. Watsup wif d tittle? It's a line from a song thats been stuck in my head for almost a week now. Just One Kiss by Nick Carter. Oh? Heard a snigger there. Yes, I'm a Nick Carter fan. Been a fan since 1997. Hush! Haha.

Right now, I'm suppose to be typing my 2000 word essay. But I don't have the motivatiin and I don't have any idea how to start. Waiting for the 'feel' to come. Then I can start. Haha. So until the 'feel' comes, lemme waste some time doing nothing. **procastinating** :)

Lately, I dunno why but I feel trapped. Dunno what more suitable words to use. Sorry Mr.Bestie if my answer was not the one you wanted to hear. But after a 5yr relationship, not including the time I took to completely let go and move, I wanna be free. I wanna enjoy being single. Haha. I cannot describe the incredible feelings i feel now when my heart has finally moved on. I fly like I could soar! *exaggerate* Haha. But really, I can't find the right word to describe. I'm just so very happy. So I wanna savour this feeling. I don't wanna get tied up so soon. Luciky the Bestie understands. Heck, more than understands! He gave me advises some more! <- direct translation. My dad will kill me if he finds out I'm writing sentences thus way. Anyway, he really is a sweet guy. But I dunno.. I don't have that butterfly in ur tummies feelings with him. *sigh* Besides, even though we've known each other for like 12 years ... People changes. Believe me, I've changed. In High School, I was this noisy girl that laughs out loudly and swear excessively. Haha. Look at me now. I've grown up. And this is who I am now, not the loud noisy girl from High School. And I'm afraid, its dat loud noisy girl he's looking for. Well she's still here, somewhere deep inside. But there a sensitivepart of me over that noisy girl now. Heartache and experience really changed me. :) So, even with 12 years of friendship, Mr.Bestie doesn't know me well enough yet. And sadly, I sometimes get annoyed. So to save whatever friendship I have left, that was the best answer I could give.

Btw, my lil bro will be studying in Miri now. Starts on Monday. Hope he will be better. :)

Now, I better go back to staring at my lappie screen. *sigh*

p.s : I dunno why but suddenly there's A LOT of cute guys when I walk around campus. Haha.

xoxo

Wifi @home :)

Yeah! Finally got streamyx at home. :) Dat means more updates for my poor negleceted bloggie. Haha. Wait~ I should have said "Can search articles & journals for my assignments!" instead of updates. Haha. Temptations, must resist.

3rd week. So far so good. Spent most of my times in between class being a nerd in the library. Because, I'm too lazy to walk 5mins to n fro my house and the bus stop at 12noon. Freaking hot! Except today, rained buckets and buckets. Sigh. Luckily managed to get to the bus stop without getting myself too wet.

What else to talk about hm? Is it because I'm feeling content now so I don't have much too share? Haha. I hope not. I miss baking la. If only my current house has a mini stove for me to do bakings.. But I guess we can't have everything right? Haha.

Before I forget, thank you Mr.Bestie for always making me smile. Eventhough you do it in a strange way which I guess other people won't understand. :)

And thank you God for the little things that you've shown what me n my heart are capable of. :)

*sigh*

Why? Why? Why?

If this is anothet test that You're placing before me, I pray that You would also provide me with the strength and patience to endure this. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I love them both very much coz they are my parents. Each plays an important role in my life. But to see them like this, it hurts me so much more than they realize. So, so much more.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I just hope I would be able to understand why this is happening. To me, to my family.

What should I do now?

:'(