Long Hiatus Mode

Hello.

It's already October. And where have I been missing? 

Started a new job at the end of May, at first I threw myself whole heartedly into it. It was the start of a big project. Everything up from scratch. And I, I got stuck doing long Over-times in the offfice. Day after day, week after week, month after month. *sigh* 

I'm lucky Love is understanding. I am working longer hours than he is now. We're so used to him working long hours, we're learning to get use to me working long hours as well. And he has all the patience in the world to go throught this rough period with me.

Amomgst the busy periods, managed to went back to Sri Aman during 1 long weekend and Love joined me too. Visited le Grandparents, my grandma especially was not doing too well. She had a minor stroke and I was shocked to see how much she has changed since the last I saw her. I pray she will hang in there. 

Not enough with all those, Love and I have our own personal problems to solve and settle. Oh the hardness of not being able to share this with any of my girls...but it won't do them any good anyway. The little feelings and sensations I go through and feel each day, I can only keep it to myself. What was meant to be such a happy event, I cannot share. Not even with Love because it will sadden him. And I cannot put him through much more. Sometimes, its true what people say. The person going throught the process has to be so much stronger, because you have to be strong for yourself and the people around you. Doesn't make any sense? You'll understand when certain situation comes to you in the future... 

But then I know Love is trying to be strong for me as well. Love, he is not a persson that is good with words. He doesn't know exactly how to express his feelings. We're different in this. I am into literature, poetries, songs...Love is into gadgets, technology, digital stuffs. So I know how much effort he took when he opened up to me one night by trying to comfort me. He said, no matter how depress or sad I might feel, I must remember that he is always there for me. He will always be there and will never leave. We're just a phone call away. What he said that night made me smile (while trying my best to hold back my tears). 

It will be his birthday this Friday. And he really doesn't ask for much. 

Sometimes I wonder if God is putting us throught these hardship as a test. Or is it a sign? I'm not sure.. 

Anyway, I don't know if this post makes any sense. But me being me, I feel better getting it out in words. 

Good night poppets. Time for bed now. 

I feel old.

xoxo

Time flies ...

Hello poppets.

Tick-tock, it's almost end of April. And my last post was in Jan, wishing everyone a happy new year. Haha! Been really busy, work and everything else in between. But, life's good.

Was scrolling through stuffs in my Tab earlier on. And I came across this Whatsapp Conversation that I saved. Reading through it made me smile. Especially at one part. 

So a year ago, I was busy exchanging Whatsapp texts with a person, getting to know him better. And on this one particular day, March 23, I suddenly texted 'I miss you.' Why? Haha, typical me. Cause I was somewhat mad at another friend of ours for something he said about only being friends for now and will go on separate ways when Uni life is over. We were just teasing each other actually. And so from that 'I miss you' sentence, our conversation went on to giving advises and stuff. Coz this person told me that he is too busy working 12 hours a day that he doesn't have time to be in a relationship. Me being me,  I started to spurt out advises. One of it goes like this, "Find a girl who is patient and understanding. Don't worry too much, she might turn up in the most unexpected time and place."

Me and my big mouth. Guess who was the girl he found?

Me.

Hahaha! Yes, that person I was giving advises to was Love. Back then we were just starting to know each other better. I was already attracted to him, heck I've been attracted since the first time I met him. But I just brushed it off and told myself I wasn't ready for anything and that I still wanted to have fun. Those advises that I gave, I sincere meant him to find someone else that he would find suitable for him. How was I supposed to know his patient and understanding girl ended up being me. 

Next Sunday marks 1 year for us. Time really does flies. Looking back on how we started out, still makes me smile. I guess the chemistry was already there from day 1 but we just weren't sure. We were usually under the influence of alcohol whenever we hang out together. But then, if it wasn't for the alcohol influence then we wouldn't realize our feelings for each other. Back then, whenever he sends me back after our nightlife activities,  I would always say thank you and give him a kiss in his cheek. Even if it wasn't him sending me home, I'd hug him before leaving and tell him I had fun. Haha, silly tipsy me. 

1 year. Makes me wanna cry sometimes. My reward for surviving all the previous tears and heartache. Among everything and anything else that I have done in my life, I am never more sure of anything else then I am sure about him. Thank you so much Heavenly Father, he is the answer to all my previous prayers done in tears.

One more week Love, then it's already a year for us. Thank you for making me smile everyday. I know I advised you to look for a patient and understanding girl, and you've told me you found that girl in me. But the truth is, you are my patient and understanding guy. 

Praying for many more years to come.

Happy 1st Anniversary in advance Love.

(because I won't be blogging next week!)

xoxoxo

2013 already?

Happy New Year!

Yes, I know I'm a bit late in this. But then, better late then never right?

So before we start off 2013, I was thinking maybe it's best for me to summarize what has happened in 2012.  Actually I'm just going to list out the good memorable things that happened. So here we go!

First memorable thing I did in 2012 was, finally chopping off my long hair. As per picture below, it's only shoulder length. But hey, that's already really short for me. So, yeah! 

Shoulder length hair

Following this short hair memory would be the one memory and incident that has made a big impact on my life. Him. Although I met him back in 2011, it was 2012 that made us realized and open up our hearts to each other. And so in 2012, I found my soulmate.

Who would have thought?

Moving on to the next most memorable thing I did for 2012 was no other then attending the Big Bang Alive Tour Concert in KL at Stadium Merdeka! Yea, I didn't blogged about this because had been really busy. And to blog about it now would be like so yesterday news. 

27 October 2012, our dream finally came true!

Definitely until WHENEVER :)

Then, I adopted a puppy! Picture below is when Mishka Bailey aka Mika has only been with us for 1-2 weeks. She's now bigger, and is very cheeky. But I love her. 

Puppy love

Oh! And the reasons why I seldom blog (and didn't even blogged abaout Big Bang!) was because I got my first official job. Tada! 

First step on starting my career

Ok, what else? Attended his bands' gig. My first ever in a place like that! Homai, so not my everyday music. Hahaha! 

One Kill Wonder, his band

Bought my first Craftholic, together with his as his birthday gift. And nope, the pink is not mine.

Kis and Rie, our first Craftholic. Can you guess which they are?

One of my babe got engaged. One by one, settling down. Age really is catching up.

One down, many more to go.

 One of my favourite memory for 2012, was the days spent with my housemate and also close friend. This year, she got pregnant. Was so happy and excited for both she and her husband! It's her first child and my first experience having someone close to me pregnant and being there to see it grow. The days spent watching out for her daily nutrient consumptions and also trips to the clinic, nothing can beat that. And finally in December, I get to meet the lil one.

Christian Ivan Roy, 2 months old

And finally, my family vacation. It has been awhile since me and my family went on a real vacation together. So since we bought the tix early on 2012, we've been pretty excited about it. We went back to a place where we (well, minus my lil bro who has been there like twice) always went to back when we were lil kids. 

SINGAPORE

(I shall write another post for this alone later with more pics, I promise.)

Upon arrival in Changi Airport

The first place we went on our family vacay was no other then the most mentioned Universal Studio Singapore, USS.

Le siblings. Yes I'm the shortest, eventhough I'm the eldest.

Too many rides. But our most favourite, and by far the best I've ever been on, would be no other then Cylon. It's a rollercoaster where Human battles against Cylon. EPIC COOL!

Red tracks for Human, Blue tracks for Cylon

After that day, we went to JB for two nights. And lil sis dragged me to, no other then Hello Kitty Land. I am so not a fan of Hello Kitty. 

Hellolololo Kitty! 

Then, Legoland! Was not as awesome as USS. But still, a vacation is a vacation. You got to enjoy while you can. Right?

Sunburnt!

I saw the Taj Mahal! Well, mini lego version of it...

Back to Singapore after 2 nights, then we went to Marina Sands. 

Pretty right?

 Anddd.. Singapore Zoo! I insisted on coming. My childhood revolves aroung the memory of Singapore Zoo. So, why miss the chance to go there again?

Happy Child!

Orchard Road, where me and my sis spent our Christmas night chit-chating at one of the Starbucks outlet

I love Orchard Road during Christmas!

And finally, we can not miss out Sentosa.

Cable car ride into Sentosa

Underwater World

 And yeah, I guess thats all the major stuff that happened in 2012. Mind you, there's so much memories to share. But I can say, these are what will pop up to mind for the year 2012.

2013

New year usually means new resolution, new challenges, new adventures,

I pray that this year will be awesome. I know there will be hardships to be faced as well but lets just remind ourself that with every challenge we overcome, we grow wiser. 

For this year, I pray that I will be more focus and serious with my career. Buliding up myself to be a better individual. To get closer to God and learn of His ways. To be always patient and understanding in my relationship with Love.

May 2013 be awesome for you all too!

God bless :)

Ending this post with my most favourite picture for 2012

If this isn't love, then tell me what it is?

Til next post.

xoxoxo

4 months

My paths are never easy.

But he makes facing all the challenges bearable.

Thank you Heavenly Father.

Happy Monthsary love.

:)

xoxoxo

What is Love?

Love is a slow kiss goodnight, it's anticipation.
Love is flirting ourtageously and still remembering that the person at your side is not obligated to do anything, it's respect.
Love is an imperfection in your self not bothering you, it's acceptance.
Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet, it's patience.
Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles, it's exploration.
Love does not have to say, "lets make love," because you know what the other person wants, it understanding.
Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed, it's consideration.
Love is both of you remembering protection, it's responsibility.
Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles, it's humor.
Love is being told "stop and I'll kill you." It's desire.
Love is reviewing the damge to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door the to bedroom, it's abandonment.
Love is seeing what your love really looks like for the first time, it's truth.
Love is knowing what time it is and not caring, it's joy.
Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace, it's ecstasy.
Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew, it's renewal.
Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be woken, it's tenderness.
Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder, it's where fantasy meets reality.
Love is being there to wake your lover slowly, it's sensuousness.
Love belatedly knows why you bothered to buy a queen-sized bed three years ago, it's practicality.
Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-sized bed, it's closeness.
Love knows you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment to the right person, it's trust.
Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent, it's faith.
Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore" it's a lesson in human frailty.
Love is opening your medicine cabinet finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a prezel, it's adaptation.
Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were with the night before, it's reflection.
Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover, it's loneliness.
Love is stories that will never be told, it's personal.


Found this online at some website. I kind of like some parts of it.

xoxoxo

Read!

While cleaning up my notes and stuff yesterday, I found a collection of quotes that I wrote down. I am a quote freak. I love quotes. 

This one particular quote us a bit long. Bear with it for moment. Read through. The meaning made me smile. And the whole time I read through this quote yesterday, only one oerson stayed in my mind. 

"Once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals which were never achieved and many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitment. They are not embaressed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they want to hurt your feelings or make you feel like you were not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only the quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seemed insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood comes back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughters seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their pressence there is no need for continous conversation, but you would find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before becomes fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is special to you. You think of this person in every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart, knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you have never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." -Bob Marley

So who comes to your mind when you read through this?

;)

Take care loves.

xoxoxo

Burden off my chest

Missing ♥ tonight. Kinda hard to adjust back after having him with me for 7 nights in a row. Last night was the best. Pillow talks, telling each other more about ourselves and finally having the courage to open up about our own dark past.

I was surprised of his past. Yes I know no one is perfect. Heck, I've said that a few times before, stressing that I am not perfect. I listen, I understand, then I let go. Why should I hold on to his stories of his past? His past shaped his character today, all the lesson learnt to bring out a better person. I don't really care about his past. It's a future with him that I care about. Focus on today to create a better future together, yes? :)

Even my past has not been all rainbows and butterflies. There were things that I've hidden from my new circle of friends. Only those that I feel close and worthy knows about my past. And he deserves to know all of me, then he can decide whether he can accept me for who I am. That's why I finally had the courage to open up about my past. I know he was a bit shocked. But I can see that he tried to accept it.

Tell me, have you ever just suddenly realized how much in love you are with one person? And to wonder how is it even possible to fall even more in love as each day passes. If all the heartache and pain I've been through for the past few years were meant to lead me to this person, I have no regrets. In fact, I will do it all over again and not change a thing. Just as long as in the end, I get to meet, know, like and love this guy. Thank you Heavenly Father, for answering my prayer. Could You go even further to give us courage to face any obstacles that You would place before us as tests.

I love this guy. He really is different. Being with him, I dont have to always be conversing. Just having him near me with the silence hanging around us, makes me feel safe. Just because he is near me.

Can't wait to see what the future has in stored for us.
Just like the lyrics from my all time fave song (and a must wedding song!) At The Beginning by Donna Lewis & Richard Marx.

"We were strangers, on a crazy adventure. Never dreaming how our dreams would come true."

Off to bed. Yes I know its a bit early for me. But then I didn't had enough sleep (coz I rather be awake talking to him) and woke up early to pack and clean up my room and stuffs. I am now currently at my aunt's place, job hunting. Bit far from that some one but thanking the Lord that we are actually still within driving distance.

So, good night now poppets.

xoxoxo

Hold on to it :)

This has always been one of my favourite song from Avril. Only recently  then I can connect her song with how my life is now. 

Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is OK

The first time in my life and now it's so great

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

This innocence is brilliant

I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect

Please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear

The first time in my life and now it's so clear

Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant

Makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliance

Please don't go away

Cause I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

[Chorus]

xoxoxo

Sniffles :(

Yes that's right. 

Yours truly has the sniffles. During final exam week. Great huh?

Wifi is back. So I am typing out this post on the lappie. Can't study any more, this nose is killing me. And my mind is distracted.

Been reading back on what I've posted on this nonsense blog of mine for the past few years. Ohemgee. Has it been that bad? Have I always been crying? Was it so hard to move on? Has it really been that complicated?

Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes.

But no, I don't regret anything. If I were given the chance to turn back time and change something, I won't change anything. Why? Because the past had taught me a lot. Because all the heartache I went through, eventually lead me to someone. Unexpectedly.

The last one month has been blissful. Yes, friends all say that these early periods are just the honeymoon stages. Heck, been there and done that before with the previous relationship. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time, it will last. 

I really never expected that things will turn out this way. What were only meant to be just an attraction, turned out to be all this. There are many times I'll catch myself smiling for no particular reasons. It hasn't been easy. There were always doubts. Doubts in myself, in him, in what is happening around me. Because everything that has happened were really unexpected. And I doubt myself for feeling this strong of attraction, even on the first night of meeting him. Told myself, nah... Couldn't be. Besides, what are the chances of meeting up again and becoming more than just acquaintances?

But then, hey. Back in Curtin and things turned out differently. From acquaintances to friends. Oh my, the attraction? Ever so much harder to ignore. It was when I'd suddenly realize that I smile to myself myself whenever I receive text messages from him or knowing that there would be a chance of meeting up with him, then I realized that this was no longer attraction. But I couldn't bring myself to admit it, even to myself. Denial. 

Besides, keep telling myself over and over again that this cannot be. My feelings were for another. Was it not so? Confusion. Doubts. Denial. 

And so, how did it all end up this way?

Believe me, took me quite some time to be sure of myself. Because I realized it wouldn't be fair for him and it would kill me to hurt such a guy if I were to make the wrong decision. The number of advises that close friends gave and the amount of time spent on pondering. In the end, I came to the decision of just doing what makes me happy. Because what makes me happy should be the right choice. Besides, an advise that one of my close friend (who is also my house mate) told me made me realized something. 

So here we are. A month has past. So far, everything has been just fine. Keeping my fingers crossed, really really tightly.

This is why I haven't been posting anything during the month of April. Been caught up with the whirlwind of everything happening. Even for May. 

So, the past would just stay in the past. The feelings, stay there. The lessons, always with me. 

Thank you ❤. For always not wanting to care much about my past. 

The past shapes the person we are today. But its the present and the future that's important.

*fingerscrossed!*

xoxoxo

Big Bang Fever

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

Throughout the day, I've been patiently waiting for the stroke of midnight.

Why, you ask?

I am patiently waiting for the release of Big Bang's new MV

Friends of mine in FB surely must be tired of me already. 

I think I've spammed their recent news timeline with enough pictures and videos of Big Bang.

Especially Dong Youngbae, or better known by his stage name of Taeyang.

Bwahahaha! 

Yeah, I am a fan of Big Bang.

My apologies to all my non KPop fan friends on FB (and also on Twitter).

But their voice, compared to other Kpop bands, waayyyy better.

My apologies again to non Big Bang fans.

But how can you resist the rapping skills of G.Dragon?

How can you resist TOP's deep voice?

How can you ever resist Taeyang's dance skills?

How can you resist Seungri's voice?

How can you resist Daesung's fun personality?

How on earth can you resist BIG BANG???

Yeah, Big Bang fever.

Ok bye!

I think the MV is already released.

"Wow, Fanstatic baby."

*screamslikehighschoolgirl*

xoxoxoxo

2012

Whoa.

It's already the month of March. I haven't been for quite some time now. Not that I don't have anything to write about. Heck, I have LOTS to write about. I was just too lazy to switch on my laptop and type. Yeah, this is what happens when my dad introduced Le Tab into our family and hands it over to me. I do everything with Le Tab now. My Baby Galaxy is only for calling, Tweeting and Whatsapp-ing. Yes, I can blog with Le Tab. But my fingers are too fat and I keep on creating typos. And besides, it doesn't feel the same to be using anything else besides my laptop for creating blog-posts. 

So, what's new?

Week 2 for Semester 1, 2012 has started. And me, being oh-so-clever is back with only 2 units to complete. Which means I only have 4 classes per week. Mondays and Tuesdays are no classes days. Then for Wednesdays and Thursdays I'll be free by the afternoons. And as for Fridays, only 1 and a half hour of class to attend. So, I am very free. For now. 

Spent my RM200 book voucher on 7 new books. 3 for me, 2 for my lil brother, 1 for my bestie and the last is for someone. So for the moment, I have 5 books to be read (1 a gift from a friend and 1 borrowed). Oh, and speaking of that someone....

That someone is the same person I talked about on my last post. Things have developed amongst us, and yet we are still as before. In fact, I met up with him again end of December. We went out for some drinks and just catch up. But then, the drinking session went wrong. Oh my, I am not a good drinker. And him, he blurted out something that means made me confuse. I don't know whether it was his intention or not but what he said that night made everything I've questioned before makes sense. But where do we stand now? Still no strings attached.
 "Time will tell."

What else??

My room mate is pregnant! I am so excited for her! 

So far, I have 4 pregnant friends and 1 new mum. 

Like wow. 

Sometimes I wonder, when is it my turn. Coz I am a big fan of babies and toddlers.

But then, I am in no rush.

So, I guess this should be enough for tonight.

Le Tab is calling me. :)

Until next post.

xoxoxo

Pillow Talks at 3am

9th of  November.

What the hell did I do?

Why the hell did I do it?

He came to my place yesterday around 12am, with his friend. Drunk and still ongoing with the drinking. Oh the noisy laughters of a drunk-head, and yet the infectious laughter that I love and missed. So, talked ( at least they did, I was busy laughing silently) til around 2am. Then his friend went to sleep. He was supposed to sleep as well, being super drunk and all. But he did not.

Ended up talking.

Ah me, the things he told me. The things he advises. The way he said it all.

With him it is always about Fate and Destiny.

Things could have been different between us, but here we are.

Having a comfortable close "brother-sister" relationship.

Fate. Destiny. Life.

Maybe he doesn't know or even realize, but its the little things he did that morning that keeps me smiling today. How he'd pinch my nose when I smile at stuffs he advised, or how he'd ruffle my hair when I agree on certain points of the conversation. The little smile he has when he looks at me. *slapself!*

And that morning, he whispered, "Find someone better. I'm sorry that I am not the one."

"I love you girl, but as a sister."

He never said that.

And he is saying all these when he is drunk.

People say, the words of a drunken are the ones they say from their heart.

I have to be grateful for what I have now.

Don't be selfish and wish for more.

Will listen to his advises, that he repeated over and over again.

But after he left that morning, I will not deny.

I cried. 

For the things that will never be.

*sigh*

Found this poem online.

It says exactly everything I felt.

But A Suppressed Sigh by Anju Addanki

 Nor are you my life.

Nor the air I breathe

Nor I say 'Without you-oh dear I can't live! 

For in such untrue words

My heart doesn't believe

Throughout the life for someone; 

No one ever grieves! 

If it's destiny

and you can't be mine

In your sorrow I won't die! 

Nor this heart

In grief will I tie

With time and wisdom, 

This passion will fly for you! 

No more like today, 

My tears for you will dry! 

Forgetting, this bitter phase

I'aspire for and high! 

No regrets

No complaints, 

My life will pass by! 

But then! There's something-- 

I shouldn't lie-- 

In silence of lone nights--

Life

Without you--

Will be-- 

But, a deeply SUPPRESSED SIGH! 

Exactly how I felt the whole day after our talk.

Gonna try to sleep now.

I am such a mess today.

Thank God for friends around me and the BBQ that helped distract me a bit.

And thank God for more distractions in the days to come.

xoxo

Byul (Stars)

My all time favourite song since the first time I saw the 200 Pound Beauty movie.

Translation

The wind is shaking the windows,

and over my small room.
The stars fill up the sky,

shining brightly too many to count.
The stars reassure tired me,
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

"Don’t be hurt too much"

They hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep.

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,
though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short,

I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart,
Like those countless number of stars,

forever

My dream is coming.

Though it is unusual that my one star is bright.
It is very bright, even blinding.

It comes down to my shoulder.

"Stop being so sad"

It holds my hand as it touches me and gives me a warm hug

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,

though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get.

Even though our happy times were short,

I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars,

forever

Only for today,

I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart

Like those countless number of stars,

forever.

 

This and That. Here and There.

Hello. It's been a while. Did anyone miss me? I doubt it. No one ever reads my blog. Hahaha.

So, what has been happening? Last sem's results are out (I passed all my units. Yea me!). Sem break's over. I'm back in Miri again. New and final sem starts on Monday. Lost a few friends during the sem break. And, I met up with that some one in Kuching last week.

Refering to my previous post, that some one did not meet up with me in Miri. That saved me a lot from having a nervous breakdown. Haha. And because I would be in Kuching for a friend's wedding, took the chance to meet up with him. Was I nervous? Hell yeah! Super nervous! Felt as if I had to sit for an exam paper and I had not enough revisions. Hahaha.

How did it went?

I made a fool of myself. Because I was super nervous, I clammed up. Got tongue-tied. And so, I think he has the impression that I am a boring person. He kept on asking, "Are you ok?". *sigh* After 7 years, thats the best I could do??? So sorry, but you make me so nervous! And shy.

Can I rewind that evening again and talk more? Ask more? Relax more? But alas. We can never turn back the hands of time. Hahaha. So I just hope, if we were to meet up again (hopefully soon!), I'd be more talkative. More like myself. And can I be more mature?? Coz he's calling me an innocent kid. :S Can't help it, thats just the way I am.

Better go and sleep now. Had a tiring journey. Can't wait for Monday to come! And Sunday! Gonna meet a friend that's gonna be my room mate this sem. FunFunFun!! :)

xoxoxo

A short post

Okay okay okay! I know its past midnight and I should be asleep by now. But the problem is, I accidently fell asleep around 6pm and only woke up at 8.30pm. (¡_¡) Besides, it's always at times like this when I get the most ideas on what to write.

But, I've said earlier on in the tittle itself that this will be a short post. I am curently into the vintage bag craze. Since I saw a shop full with those cute bags in Kuching somewhere around Dec last year. But I missed out the opportunity to get myself one. Really felt bummed out. Until I found bags like those I saw back in Dec in a boutique in one of Miri's shopping mall. Yeah! So I got myself a bag (thanks to my generous lil sis who sponsered me) and I was happy.

Then! Just a while ago, my bestie's cousin (who's like family already to me) called and told me she bought a vintage bag for her sis but the sis already has one with d same colour. So she asked me whether I want the bag. Like HELL YEAH!! Hahaha.

So now I am more than happy. ;)

Ok that's all. Need to go to sleep 'coz I have to wake up early later. Breaskfast with darling bestie. At 8! Haha.

xoxo



p/s. I'm gonna have a new dress as well. N knowing this gal, she always chooses dresses that are cute and suits my taste. :)

Dootdoo dootdootdoo~~

:)

I went to someplace special to me today. Been quite sometimes since I last went there. Brings back special memories. Was kinda sad, yet happy in the same time. Haha.

Can we go back there on the 30th of August 2011?

I will do anything I can to be there, will you?

Btw, my sis came to Miri on Saturday. Even though I only spent like 2 hours with her, it felt like home. I miss her already. Mei, why can't you stay longer? Then I can do more many activities with you. Next time 'kay?

Better go to bed now.

:)

Don't judge me!

Found this when I was going thru my sent items in FB. Something that I did when I was bored.

Mi corazón :: Means my heart in Spanish

Mon cheri :: Means my dear in French

Cara mia :: Means my beloved in Italian

Schätzchen :: Means darling in German

Liubóv' moýa :: Means my love in Russian

Min elskede :: Means my love in Danish

Sirelis :: Means my beloved in Armenian

Moja sloneczko :: Means my sunshine in Polish

Bǎobèi :: Means precious in Mandarin

My heart's dearest :: Means YOU in Christine

Haha. Don't judge me! :)

I'm lost ...

Have you ever recalled how you used to be and seemed surprised at the difference with whom you've become? Ever wondered what has happened and wished that you could turn back time? Or maybe just feeling utterly helpless and so confused? I have.

It's just as the lyrics of Disney's Mulan OST, Reflection said,

"Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?"

Aku sik suka la dengan apa yang aku dah jadi. Jeles, pemarah, susah nak trust. Sapa tok? Bukan aku ya. Mun banding dengan dolok, jauh sekali beza eh. Aku sik mok. Sik suka. Lelah bah aku macam tok. Terpaksa sentiasa berpura-pura. Kena sentiasa senyum, tahan jak sakit. Sik mok .. Aku mok tetak terbabak-babak macam dolok. Sik pelu nak tapok apa-apa. Senyuman yang ada kat muka aku pun a smile of pure happiness. Ow, take me back to those days. please. Mun kawan-kawan aku dari High School nangga aku kinek tok mesti sidak sik kenal sapa tok. Sedih eh!

That's why I'm giving up on love. Been through too much and all the hurt I've kept bottled up inside had turned into poisoned, changing the who I am. I'm not meant to love and be loved in return. Look at what I've become. No, I can't go through everything again ..

Love was never meant to be for me ..

I feel so lost sometimes. I don't even know who am I anymore.

:'(

SOS

Help anyone?

Oh Dear~~

Last week, since classes had not started yet I 'wasted' away my time watching a Korean drama titled You're Beautiful. Ever since then, the songs from that drama has been replaying in my head. But there's one particular song that I absolutely loved from the drama. Without A Word (I think that's the name).

There's actually 3 version of this song. By 9th Street, Park Shin Hye and Jang Geun Suk. But, I especially like Jang Geun Suk's version of the song. His character in that drama appeals to me. Hahaha. A nice boy trying to hide who his real personality by acting cool and unconcerned. So cute. :)

The meaning of this song is quite sad. But I like it. Goes well on telling what happened in the drama.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Translation:

I shouldn’t have done that,
I should have pretended not to know
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it
I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place

I should have pretended I wasn’t listening
like I didn’t hear it, like I couldn’t hear it
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place

Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised
It came without a word

Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore, and that you’re not here anymore
otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before

Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised

Without a word, tears starts falling down
Without a word, my heart is broken

Without a word, I waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me
I’ve become transparent, I’ve become a fool
and I cry just by looking at the sky

Without a word, separation finds me
Without a word, the end comes to me
It took my heart by surprised
To send you away unexpectedly
It came without a word

Without a word, love appears
Without a word, love vanishes
Like a fever I’ve had, maybe all I have to do is hurt for a while

Because in the end, the only thing that remains are scars

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I'm gonna watch this drama again.

Hehe. :P

I'm walking on sunshine!

Ignore the title. It's irrelevant. Haha. Just a song that suddenly popped into my mind. Yes, you've guessed correctly. I can't sleep again! Went to the gym earlier, cycled for like 30mins (it's only my 2nd visit, gimme a break ok?). Body aches like hell, but this eyes still won't sleep.

One of my friend cried just now. My heart went out to her coz I know what she is feeling. Teared up abit seeing her so sad... All those words of comfort like, "Don't worry, it'll be ok" or "Just be strong, it'll be over soon." felt so empty. I couldn't bring myself to give those advises coz it din work for me. No it won't be over soon. How can you get over a heartache so fast? Even now I'm still crying coz of the pain. How can I tell her to be strong when I myself felt so weak and vulnerable becoz of the heartache? *sigh* I could only tell her to cry as hard and long as she wants. Through crying, she'll get better. That I am sure coz I am getting better after each and every cry I had.

Even just now I cried again. Was surfing through Youtube. Came across one very meaningful song to me. Staccie Oricco's I Promise. *sigh* That song brings so much emotion, so many memories. And then to listen to that song again after everything that has happen felt like a slap across my face. I smiled yet I cried at the same time. Silly huh?

A quote for my heartbroken friend... And also for you that is so precious ...

"It’s hard to lose someone you love, to finally say goodbye. You try to be strong, but the pain keeps holding on, and all you can do is cry. Deep within your heart, you know it’s time to move on, when the fairytale you once knew is gone."

Be happy precious. Enjoy love, enjoy life.

I'm learning to do so again ...

Gotta go and try to sleep now. My head is throbbing. *sigh*
Bye. Off to find a bit of happiness in my dreams.