The Long Goodbye

Hello poppets.

Wow.

Hiatus mode for 2 years.

2 years seems like forever. And a lot has happened since my last post in 2014. It's too much to write down all that has happened.

So back to the title of the post.

Yes. It's time for me to say goodbye to this blog. 

Reading back on what has happened in my life, I came to realize that a lot has changed. The people around me has changed, I have changed. And the biggest change that has happened,

is this

↓

Yeap.

I.Am.A.Mother
Love and I finally tied the knot earlier this year, and produced a miniature us.

Being at home 24/7 with the lil one, trying to adjust with the big change in my life has made me rant a lot on Twitter. And this made me realize how important writing still is or me to express myself and to let out some steam. I need it to release the stress I'm handling and the limit of 140 words that Twitter is implementing made me realize "I NEED TO START BLOGGING AGAIN."

But to just pick up and start writing again on this blog (especially after the last post) would seem weird. There's a lot of holes that's the missing events of my life that I should have shared first but did not because I was too busy being an adult (read JOB RESPONSIBILITIES). And so, this is why I have decided to end this blog and start up a new one. Fresh start.

Heck. Starting a new blog is not as easy as I thought it would be. Just on arranging the templates has given me a headache. And I am not sure how frequent I'll blog, since I have a tiny human to take care of now. But because I really miss writing and I need it, here's my new blog → http://ramblesandprattles.blogspot.my/

I SHOULD START BLOGGING THERE SOON!

(I am still a procrastinator. Can't seem to get rid of this bad habit)

I'll miss this blog. It is the record of what has happened mostly during my days as a university student. So full of dramas, and yet so many events that I a reflect on. 

And so, as I turn 30 today, I bid you all a fond farewell.

Adieu.

xoxo

有缘无份 (Yǒu Yuán Wú Fèn)

Hello poppets.

First post for year 2014, and it is not going to be about a happy event.

To start off, let me explain the meaning of this post's title "有缘无份". It's a Chinese saying which can be directly translated as "Have fate without destiny".

So during the past weekend, I attended a high school buddy's wedding dinner. Everything was going along fine with the preparation and excitement of finally seeing her again. But at the back of my mind, one question was nagging me, "Will he be there?".

HE.

Who is this 'HE' that I am referring to?

To answer this, let's travel back in time for a moment. Back to 10 years ago, to the year 2004. And there I was, attending Pre-U in a Matriculation College. And there he was also..

Ex boyfriend?
No, I can't use that term because we basically never proceeded more than the mutual understanding that we were interested in each other. He, he is more suitable to be called as my old flame.

The story about us has always been complicated. Things did not work out between us in 2004 because I moved out of that Matriculation College and started anew at a different University. So we lost contact for a while until he got my number from my friend in 2006. Stayed in touch for awhile but then we drifted apart because of our study commitment and because we both started dating someone else. So the contact stopped.

Fast forward to 2010 when I was pretty low and in a really bad situation with my dating life, he pops back in. We picked up from where we left and updated each other. We only finally were able to meet up in 2011, after 7 years.

Drinks and chit chats. Shooters and toasts.
Tongues loosen. Truth and feelings flows freely.
He finally told me that he has been waiting for me all these while, finding a rightful time to come back into my life. And I asked, "What took you so long?" He answered, "You were not ready for me. I knew it from the very start, you were the one that I wanted to marry."

But, things dropped out again between us after that. He 'disappeared' from my life and I, I wasn't sure of his feelings.

This is when I fell deeper for Love.
And this is when I found out that he too has started a new relationship 2 months after I started mine with Love.

So all is well and happy. Even though there are times I wondered, what was his reason for all his actions? But then I would always tell myself, the past is the past. Focus on the present and future.

But then why was I nervous of meeting him?
Coming back to the present part of the story. Yes, I did meet him. Yes, we exchanged hellos as courtesy. And my lil sis says, she can still see a bit of sparks between us.

After the dinner, I left earlier because I really was an outsider during the dinner (I was the only SainsKu friend that came). Texted him to tell him it was nice meeting him again. DupDap, few mins after sending the text and he called. Just like old times.

I wouldn't mind all the things he said. But I was just one thing he asked that surprised me. "Are you committed to your boyfriend?" I was shocked that he would asked that and I blurted back to him a question as well, "Are you not committed to your girlfriend?" His answer? "No."

😱😱😱

I was speechless and finally had to come up with excuses to end the conversation.

But after that, what he told me got me wondering again the old questions. What IS his reason for all his action?

This is where my lil sis told me the Chinese saying of "有缘无份". I guess, she is right.. Him and I, we will keep meeting but we will never stay together.

And I realized that all the times he pops up and back into my life, he opens up my eyes to see myself differently and helps me to be a better person that strives to do better. Maybe that is what God meant him to be and do in my life.. just to nudge me here and there to the right direction, then take off and leave me.

I'll never know.

What is done, is done.
He is the unfinished piece of music and sometimes come unbidden and will not fade because it is incomplete and can never be completed.

Maybe in another life, the piece of music can be complete. But not this life.

Good night poppets.
xoxo

11.12.13

Look at the date.

I am not surprised that lots of people chose to get married today. It will be a long time til we get to see this date again. So people tend to make today's date a memorable date.

Me?

Same old, same old.

Woke up late for work, rushed like a crazy woman, worked my butt off, OT-ed as usually, came home tired.

Nithing memorable, at all.

How about u?

How did you spend your 11.12.13? 

Random blabberings.

Good night poppets!

xoxo

One month

Yesterday marks 1 month. 1 month has passed by. Has it been too fast or too slow?

 

There are times I completely forgot that that incident happened. But then there are times when I am alone, I would miss the little private moments I alone go through and experience.

 

Yesterday when I woke up, the first thought I had was the amount of mixed feelings surging through me one month ago. Anxious, sad, worry, angry, and loneliness. One month ago, I stood looking out of a window, watching the world wake up and prepare to face another new day. There was a feeling of serene calmness as I watch the sky changes colour and became brighter. It rained the night before, so the street before me looked as if washed anew.

 

New Life.

 

If I could have captured the image I saw while looking out of my window that morning, that would be the title I choose to name the picture.

 

Out of the many moments and feelings I had and felt that 24 hours, the moment I looked put of the window in the early hours of a new day would be the one that continues to haunt.

 

Sometime I regret making that decision. But then I know to choose the other way, I was not ready.

 

My faith is slowly being eaten.

Long Hiatus Mode

Hello.

It's already October. And where have I been missing? 

Started a new job at the end of May, at first I threw myself whole heartedly into it. It was the start of a big project. Everything up from scratch. And I, I got stuck doing long Over-times in the offfice. Day after day, week after week, month after month. *sigh* 

I'm lucky Love is understanding. I am working longer hours than he is now. We're so used to him working long hours, we're learning to get use to me working long hours as well. And he has all the patience in the world to go throught this rough period with me.

Amomgst the busy periods, managed to went back to Sri Aman during 1 long weekend and Love joined me too. Visited le Grandparents, my grandma especially was not doing too well. She had a minor stroke and I was shocked to see how much she has changed since the last I saw her. I pray she will hang in there. 

Not enough with all those, Love and I have our own personal problems to solve and settle. Oh the hardness of not being able to share this with any of my girls...but it won't do them any good anyway. The little feelings and sensations I go through and feel each day, I can only keep it to myself. What was meant to be such a happy event, I cannot share. Not even with Love because it will sadden him. And I cannot put him through much more. Sometimes, its true what people say. The person going throught the process has to be so much stronger, because you have to be strong for yourself and the people around you. Doesn't make any sense? You'll understand when certain situation comes to you in the future... 

But then I know Love is trying to be strong for me as well. Love, he is not a persson that is good with words. He doesn't know exactly how to express his feelings. We're different in this. I am into literature, poetries, songs...Love is into gadgets, technology, digital stuffs. So I know how much effort he took when he opened up to me one night by trying to comfort me. He said, no matter how depress or sad I might feel, I must remember that he is always there for me. He will always be there and will never leave. We're just a phone call away. What he said that night made me smile (while trying my best to hold back my tears). 

It will be his birthday this Friday. And he really doesn't ask for much. 

Sometimes I wonder if God is putting us throught these hardship as a test. Or is it a sign? I'm not sure.. 

Anyway, I don't know if this post makes any sense. But me being me, I feel better getting it out in words. 

Good night poppets. Time for bed now. 

I feel old.

xoxo

Time flies ...

Hello poppets.

Tick-tock, it's almost end of April. And my last post was in Jan, wishing everyone a happy new year. Haha! Been really busy, work and everything else in between. But, life's good.

Was scrolling through stuffs in my Tab earlier on. And I came across this Whatsapp Conversation that I saved. Reading through it made me smile. Especially at one part. 

So a year ago, I was busy exchanging Whatsapp texts with a person, getting to know him better. And on this one particular day, March 23, I suddenly texted 'I miss you.' Why? Haha, typical me. Cause I was somewhat mad at another friend of ours for something he said about only being friends for now and will go on separate ways when Uni life is over. We were just teasing each other actually. And so from that 'I miss you' sentence, our conversation went on to giving advises and stuff. Coz this person told me that he is too busy working 12 hours a day that he doesn't have time to be in a relationship. Me being me,  I started to spurt out advises. One of it goes like this, "Find a girl who is patient and understanding. Don't worry too much, she might turn up in the most unexpected time and place."

Me and my big mouth. Guess who was the girl he found?

Me.

Hahaha! Yes, that person I was giving advises to was Love. Back then we were just starting to know each other better. I was already attracted to him, heck I've been attracted since the first time I met him. But I just brushed it off and told myself I wasn't ready for anything and that I still wanted to have fun. Those advises that I gave, I sincere meant him to find someone else that he would find suitable for him. How was I supposed to know his patient and understanding girl ended up being me. 

Next Sunday marks 1 year for us. Time really does flies. Looking back on how we started out, still makes me smile. I guess the chemistry was already there from day 1 but we just weren't sure. We were usually under the influence of alcohol whenever we hang out together. But then, if it wasn't for the alcohol influence then we wouldn't realize our feelings for each other. Back then, whenever he sends me back after our nightlife activities,  I would always say thank you and give him a kiss in his cheek. Even if it wasn't him sending me home, I'd hug him before leaving and tell him I had fun. Haha, silly tipsy me. 

1 year. Makes me wanna cry sometimes. My reward for surviving all the previous tears and heartache. Among everything and anything else that I have done in my life, I am never more sure of anything else then I am sure about him. Thank you so much Heavenly Father, he is the answer to all my previous prayers done in tears.

One more week Love, then it's already a year for us. Thank you for making me smile everyday. I know I advised you to look for a patient and understanding girl, and you've told me you found that girl in me. But the truth is, you are my patient and understanding guy. 

Praying for many more years to come.

Happy 1st Anniversary in advance Love.

(because I won't be blogging next week!)

xoxoxo

2013 already?

Happy New Year!

Yes, I know I'm a bit late in this. But then, better late then never right?

So before we start off 2013, I was thinking maybe it's best for me to summarize what has happened in 2012.  Actually I'm just going to list out the good memorable things that happened. So here we go!

First memorable thing I did in 2012 was, finally chopping off my long hair. As per picture below, it's only shoulder length. But hey, that's already really short for me. So, yeah! 

Shoulder length hair

Following this short hair memory would be the one memory and incident that has made a big impact on my life. Him. Although I met him back in 2011, it was 2012 that made us realized and open up our hearts to each other. And so in 2012, I found my soulmate.

Who would have thought?

Moving on to the next most memorable thing I did for 2012 was no other then attending the Big Bang Alive Tour Concert in KL at Stadium Merdeka! Yea, I didn't blogged about this because had been really busy. And to blog about it now would be like so yesterday news. 

27 October 2012, our dream finally came true!

Definitely until WHENEVER :)

Then, I adopted a puppy! Picture below is when Mishka Bailey aka Mika has only been with us for 1-2 weeks. She's now bigger, and is very cheeky. But I love her. 

Puppy love

Oh! And the reasons why I seldom blog (and didn't even blogged abaout Big Bang!) was because I got my first official job. Tada! 

First step on starting my career

Ok, what else? Attended his bands' gig. My first ever in a place like that! Homai, so not my everyday music. Hahaha! 

One Kill Wonder, his band

Bought my first Craftholic, together with his as his birthday gift. And nope, the pink is not mine.

Kis and Rie, our first Craftholic. Can you guess which they are?

One of my babe got engaged. One by one, settling down. Age really is catching up.

One down, many more to go.

 One of my favourite memory for 2012, was the days spent with my housemate and also close friend. This year, she got pregnant. Was so happy and excited for both she and her husband! It's her first child and my first experience having someone close to me pregnant and being there to see it grow. The days spent watching out for her daily nutrient consumptions and also trips to the clinic, nothing can beat that. And finally in December, I get to meet the lil one.

Christian Ivan Roy, 2 months old

And finally, my family vacation. It has been awhile since me and my family went on a real vacation together. So since we bought the tix early on 2012, we've been pretty excited about it. We went back to a place where we (well, minus my lil bro who has been there like twice) always went to back when we were lil kids. 

SINGAPORE

(I shall write another post for this alone later with more pics, I promise.)

Upon arrival in Changi Airport

The first place we went on our family vacay was no other then the most mentioned Universal Studio Singapore, USS.

Le siblings. Yes I'm the shortest, eventhough I'm the eldest.

Too many rides. But our most favourite, and by far the best I've ever been on, would be no other then Cylon. It's a rollercoaster where Human battles against Cylon. EPIC COOL!

Red tracks for Human, Blue tracks for Cylon

After that day, we went to JB for two nights. And lil sis dragged me to, no other then Hello Kitty Land. I am so not a fan of Hello Kitty. 

Hellolololo Kitty! 

Then, Legoland! Was not as awesome as USS. But still, a vacation is a vacation. You got to enjoy while you can. Right?

Sunburnt!

I saw the Taj Mahal! Well, mini lego version of it...

Back to Singapore after 2 nights, then we went to Marina Sands. 

Pretty right?

 Anddd.. Singapore Zoo! I insisted on coming. My childhood revolves aroung the memory of Singapore Zoo. So, why miss the chance to go there again?

Happy Child!

Orchard Road, where me and my sis spent our Christmas night chit-chating at one of the Starbucks outlet

I love Orchard Road during Christmas!

And finally, we can not miss out Sentosa.

Cable car ride into Sentosa

Underwater World

 And yeah, I guess thats all the major stuff that happened in 2012. Mind you, there's so much memories to share. But I can say, these are what will pop up to mind for the year 2012.

2013

New year usually means new resolution, new challenges, new adventures,

I pray that this year will be awesome. I know there will be hardships to be faced as well but lets just remind ourself that with every challenge we overcome, we grow wiser. 

For this year, I pray that I will be more focus and serious with my career. Buliding up myself to be a better individual. To get closer to God and learn of His ways. To be always patient and understanding in my relationship with Love.

May 2013 be awesome for you all too!

God bless :)

Ending this post with my most favourite picture for 2012

If this isn't love, then tell me what it is?

Til next post.

xoxoxo

12.12.12

Tick-tock!

Beautiful date today.

Hello. Just realized that I haven't been blogging since I started working. Been superbly busy, at the end of the days I always end up being too tired or lazy to blog. Actually right now, I am feeling a bit sleepy. But forcing myself to blog, because of the beautiful date today.

So, 12.12.12

12th of December, 2012

This morning I tweeted that 10 years ago, one of my aim and goal in life was to get married on this date. Since 12 is my favourite number, this would have been the perfect date for me. 

Childish wishes and dreams.

:)

Last year I accepted the fact that there's no chance of me getting married on my dream date. So I said to myself, let's at least do sonething during that date to make it memorable. So that in another 10 years, I could think back and remember what I was doing on 12.12.12

So what did I do today?

Woke up early, took a shower, hang out the laundry, cooked rice for doggies' dinner (and also mine), drove to work, tidied up table, checked emails, update training matrix, settle timesheet problems, constantly looking for payslip, go thru list of names on which contract to extend, call here and there, go up and down, drove back home, cooked dinner, took in dry laundry, had dinner, gave doggies dinner, watched Nickelodeon while folding baju, showered, did laundry, checked on love, blog.

Exciting huh? Very memorable.

If I was still staying near to love, would have at least tried dropping by his place with maybe a cake. But we're at each ends of Miri and he is tired from going throught a stressful day. So hey, I'll just let 12.12.12 go.. 

Actually there's lots to blog about. My working life, KL trip to watch Big Bang, le bf meeting my mum, one of my babe's Engagement Dinner, Company Dinner, Pre Christmas dinner, Mammoth Mass, baking Red Velvet, Brunei trip....oh so many.

But tired eyes are asking me to sleep soon....

I feel old... In another 12 more days, I will be officially a year older.

Age is catching up.

Will blog again, hopefully before I fly off to Singapore!

Good night poppets!

Bye 12.12.12

xoxoxo

The Post of Shame

Hehehehe

I know in the previous post I've been ranting about how bored and stress I am lately. And how worried I am about hearing nothing from any of the companies I've appkued to or gone for interviews. 

But then, God works in mysterious ways.

After ranting, I went out for a cycle then after that went to walk the dogs to give them exercises. And during that frame of time, I received 3 good news. Well, 1 is really not official yet. 

Good news #1 would be about my friend from Day 1 in Uni and also room-mate for a year. She finally gave birth to a healthy and adorable baby boy. I actually cried coz I've been missing her and the lil one so much since she went back to Kuching in June. Can't wait to meet her and the lil one in December. 

Good news #2 would be the unofficial good news because I havent really received THE CALL yet. My friend was too excited and texted me about it. Yes, I am finally jobless no more. Monday, 8th October 2012, marks the beginning of the next chapter in life for me. But, still have to wait for THE CALL first to make it official. 

Good news #3 would be about another close friend. I know I just met her and this group of girlfriends last year, but I've bonded with them so fast. I am grateful for these girls that unknowingly helped me get over my past and start again. I love these girls, along with some of the other girlfriends that has really stayed with me through thick and thin. And now, one of these girls from my new circle of friends just told me that she will be getting engage in November, not August next year. 

Oh happiness! 

Right after ranting about how stress on how boring my life has been lately.

*shameshameshame*

Thank you Heavenly Father, for everything.

xoxoxo

S.T.R.E.S.S

Sick and tired of this.

What's "this"?

The blaming game.

I'm tired of waking up everyday, knowing it will be another boring day for me.

Wake up, collect dirty laundries, start the washing, sweep the floor, mop them too sometimes, give the dogs bath sometimes, have my breakfast, hang out the washed laundries. When my aunt is not around, I'll start to think of what to cook for lunch/dinner. If she is around, then I have nothin else to do til around 4-5pm. Thats when I would go and collect the dry laundries, sometimes go and pick up my cousin and brother from school, get ready for dinner, eat, clean up after dinner, feed doggies, clean up kitchen. Then later around 7-8pm, I'll be in the living room, folding the laundry as usual. 

And so, other then that in all the times in between, what did I do? I read, I go online, I read some more, I go pester the dogs, I lay around. 

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?!

Now receiving complains from my mum to not always be on the phone or reading. Get up, go and talk to people. 

Now here's the question. My aunt is always busy with her work in her room. My akek, whom I still have difficulty conversing with in Kayan, would be outside with his 'jala' and other stuff. When my cousins come over during their lunch break, they'd sleep. SO WHOM AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO? 

Waiting day by day for the response from any company or inteviews that I've attended. Zero. Ziltch. Nothing.

STRESS

They think I laze around all day carefree and not a single worry in my head? NO! 

EVERY.SINGLE.SECOND.I.AM.WORRY.

That is why I read. The more stress and worried I am, the more I will read. Especially at times like this where it is not easy for me to go out and chill wit my girls. Sometimes, that's all I need. A different environment for 2-3 hours, girlfriends to chitchat and gossip with, some bit of music, or maybe nice sceneries in front of me. That's all I need to release my stress. But since I can only go out once a week with love (coz I'm afraid if I go out more than once a week then people wi complain that I go out too much), reading is all I have left.

AND YET PEOPLE STILL COMPLAIN

i.give.up

Bye la!