Hello poppets.
First post for year 2014, and it is not going to be about a happy event.
To start off, let me explain the meaning of this post's title "有缘无份". It's a Chinese saying which can be directly translated as "Have fate without destiny".
So during the past weekend, I attended a high school buddy's wedding dinner. Everything was going along fine with the preparation and excitement of finally seeing her again. But at the back of my mind, one question was nagging me, "Will he be there?".
HE.
Who is this 'HE' that I am referring to?
To answer this, let's travel back in time for a moment. Back to 10 years ago, to the year 2004. And there I was, attending Pre-U in a Matriculation College. And there he was also..
Ex boyfriend?
No, I can't use that term because we basically never proceeded more than the mutual understanding that we were interested in each other. He, he is more suitable to be called as my old flame.
The story about us has always been complicated. Things did not work out between us in 2004 because I moved out of that Matriculation College and started anew at a different University. So we lost contact for a while until he got my number from my friend in 2006. Stayed in touch for awhile but then we drifted apart because of our study commitment and because we both started dating someone else. So the contact stopped.
Fast forward to 2010 when I was pretty low and in a really bad situation with my dating life, he pops back in. We picked up from where we left and updated each other. We only finally were able to meet up in 2011, after 7 years.
Drinks and chit chats. Shooters and toasts.
Tongues loosen. Truth and feelings flows freely.
He finally told me that he has been waiting for me all these while, finding a rightful time to come back into my life. And I asked, "What took you so long?" He answered, "You were not ready for me. I knew it from the very start, you were the one that I wanted to marry."
But, things dropped out again between us after that. He 'disappeared' from my life and I, I wasn't sure of his feelings.
This is when I fell deeper for Love.
And this is when I found out that he too has started a new relationship 2 months after I started mine with Love.
So all is well and happy. Even though there are times I wondered, what was his reason for all his actions? But then I would always tell myself, the past is the past. Focus on the present and future.
But then why was I nervous of meeting him?
Coming back to the present part of the story. Yes, I did meet him. Yes, we exchanged hellos as courtesy. And my lil sis says, she can still see a bit of sparks between us.
After the dinner, I left earlier because I really was an outsider during the dinner (I was the only SainsKu friend that came). Texted him to tell him it was nice meeting him again. DupDap, few mins after sending the text and he called. Just like old times.
I wouldn't mind all the things he said. But I was just one thing he asked that surprised me. "Are you committed to your boyfriend?" I was shocked that he would asked that and I blurted back to him a question as well, "Are you not committed to your girlfriend?" His answer? "No."
😱😱😱
I was speechless and finally had to come up with excuses to end the conversation.
But after that, what he told me got me wondering again the old questions. What IS his reason for all his action?
This is where my lil sis told me the Chinese saying of "有缘无份". I guess, she is right.. Him and I, we will keep meeting but we will never stay together.
And I realized that all the times he pops up and back into my life, he opens up my eyes to see myself differently and helps me to be a better person that strives to do better. Maybe that is what God meant him to be and do in my life.. just to nudge me here and there to the right direction, then take off and leave me.
I'll never know.
What is done, is done.
He is the unfinished piece of music and sometimes come unbidden and will not fade because it is incomplete and can never be completed.
Maybe in another life, the piece of music can be complete. But not this life.
Good night poppets.
xoxo
To start off, let me explain the meaning of this post's title "有缘无份". It's a Chinese saying which can be directly translated as "Have fate without destiny".
So during the past weekend, I attended a high school buddy's wedding dinner. Everything was going along fine with the preparation and excitement of finally seeing her again. But at the back of my mind, one question was nagging me, "Will he be there?".
HE.
Who is this 'HE' that I am referring to?
To answer this, let's travel back in time for a moment. Back to 10 years ago, to the year 2004. And there I was, attending Pre-U in a Matriculation College. And there he was also..
Ex boyfriend?
No, I can't use that term because we basically never proceeded more than the mutual understanding that we were interested in each other. He, he is more suitable to be called as my old flame.
The story about us has always been complicated. Things did not work out between us in 2004 because I moved out of that Matriculation College and started anew at a different University. So we lost contact for a while until he got my number from my friend in 2006. Stayed in touch for awhile but then we drifted apart because of our study commitment and because we both started dating someone else. So the contact stopped.
Fast forward to 2010 when I was pretty low and in a really bad situation with my dating life, he pops back in. We picked up from where we left and updated each other. We only finally were able to meet up in 2011, after 7 years.
Drinks and chit chats. Shooters and toasts.
Tongues loosen. Truth and feelings flows freely.
He finally told me that he has been waiting for me all these while, finding a rightful time to come back into my life. And I asked, "What took you so long?" He answered, "You were not ready for me. I knew it from the very start, you were the one that I wanted to marry."
But, things dropped out again between us after that. He 'disappeared' from my life and I, I wasn't sure of his feelings.
This is when I fell deeper for Love.
And this is when I found out that he too has started a new relationship 2 months after I started mine with Love.
So all is well and happy. Even though there are times I wondered, what was his reason for all his actions? But then I would always tell myself, the past is the past. Focus on the present and future.
But then why was I nervous of meeting him?
Coming back to the present part of the story. Yes, I did meet him. Yes, we exchanged hellos as courtesy. And my lil sis says, she can still see a bit of sparks between us.
After the dinner, I left earlier because I really was an outsider during the dinner (I was the only SainsKu friend that came). Texted him to tell him it was nice meeting him again. DupDap, few mins after sending the text and he called. Just like old times.
I wouldn't mind all the things he said. But I was just one thing he asked that surprised me. "Are you committed to your boyfriend?" I was shocked that he would asked that and I blurted back to him a question as well, "Are you not committed to your girlfriend?" His answer? "No."
😱😱😱
I was speechless and finally had to come up with excuses to end the conversation.
But after that, what he told me got me wondering again the old questions. What IS his reason for all his action?
This is where my lil sis told me the Chinese saying of "有缘无份". I guess, she is right.. Him and I, we will keep meeting but we will never stay together.
And I realized that all the times he pops up and back into my life, he opens up my eyes to see myself differently and helps me to be a better person that strives to do better. Maybe that is what God meant him to be and do in my life.. just to nudge me here and there to the right direction, then take off and leave me.
I'll never know.
What is done, is done.
He is the unfinished piece of music and sometimes come unbidden and will not fade because it is incomplete and can never be completed.
Maybe in another life, the piece of music can be complete. But not this life.
Good night poppets.
xoxo
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