Slow and Steadfast

Hello poppets.

This is gonna be a short post.

Just wanted to write down what has been happening lately.

I've been having midnight conversations with someone lately.

We used to talk a lot on the phone.

But then there was a period where the two of us sort of drifted apart.

But only for a while.

Now that person is back, and we are getting along just fine.

I tell myself each and every time we talk on the phone that this is nothing much.

That this is only just friendship.

If it were to be something else, 

"Time Will Tell".

I gotta go now.

Crashed onto my cousins laptop for this short post while she's away busy.

Til next time then.

xoxoxo

24 more days!!

No doubt about it.

December is my favorite month of the year.

Not because my birthday is in December...

But because CHRISTMAS!!

(♥‿♥)

But besides that

December is a fav because...

It is the time of year where we can look back and see how much we have achieved throughout the year.

It when we can reminisce all the good times spent,

let go of the bad,

and try to do better next year.

So what would be the memories etched forever as part of 2011?

# New group of CRAZY friends that made the entire year memorable

# Jazz fest + One of the girls Bday after that

# International Night

# Curtin Open Day

# More birthday celebration of the girls

# 10th of July

# 3rd of August

# CURTIN PROM

Oh there are more from throughout the years.

And there will be more in this month of December.

There are also bad times.

But hey, why should we dwell in the bad times?

All and all, 2011 has been so much more better than the previous year.

2012 will be here soon!!

So December, be fun for me!!

♥☃❄☃❄☃♥

xoxoxo

Mad World?

Hello.

Listening to the Glee Project's version of Mad World now.

It says a bit on what I've been feeling for the month of November.

A lot has happened since my last emo post.

Everyday I am learning.

Hey, people always say that I am a strong person, so that means I should be strong right?

A friend says that my heart is stubborn and that my eyes are blind.

Hm...maybe he is right.

But then, forgive me for being like that.

The past has really changed me, a lot.

Besides that all, results are out.

And looks like I will be seeing Curtin again next year.

Not as its graduate but as its student again.

Crap.

What else?

Oh, the other him is back.

And acting a bit weird.

Close friends are telling me to let loose this time.

But how can they understand that I am afraid that history will repeat itself again.

I cannot and will not go through that again.

"Time will tell."

December is just a few more hours again.

2010's December has been hellish.

How will 2011's December treat me?

I have 4 friends getting married this December.

And I am so happy for them.

:)

Other than that, I hope 2011's ending will be nice.

Better go shower now.

Take care loves.

xoxo

Pillow Talks at 3am

9th of  November.

What the hell did I do?

Why the hell did I do it?

He came to my place yesterday around 12am, with his friend. Drunk and still ongoing with the drinking. Oh the noisy laughters of a drunk-head, and yet the infectious laughter that I love and missed. So, talked ( at least they did, I was busy laughing silently) til around 2am. Then his friend went to sleep. He was supposed to sleep as well, being super drunk and all. But he did not.

Ended up talking.

Ah me, the things he told me. The things he advises. The way he said it all.

With him it is always about Fate and Destiny.

Things could have been different between us, but here we are.

Having a comfortable close "brother-sister" relationship.

Fate. Destiny. Life.

Maybe he doesn't know or even realize, but its the little things he did that morning that keeps me smiling today. How he'd pinch my nose when I smile at stuffs he advised, or how he'd ruffle my hair when I agree on certain points of the conversation. The little smile he has when he looks at me. *slapself!*

And that morning, he whispered, "Find someone better. I'm sorry that I am not the one."

"I love you girl, but as a sister."

He never said that.

And he is saying all these when he is drunk.

People say, the words of a drunken are the ones they say from their heart.

I have to be grateful for what I have now.

Don't be selfish and wish for more.

Will listen to his advises, that he repeated over and over again.

But after he left that morning, I will not deny.

I cried. 

For the things that will never be.

*sigh*

Found this poem online.

It says exactly everything I felt.

But A Suppressed Sigh by Anju Addanki

 Nor are you my life.

Nor the air I breathe

Nor I say 'Without you-oh dear I can't live! 

For in such untrue words

My heart doesn't believe

Throughout the life for someone; 

No one ever grieves! 

If it's destiny

and you can't be mine

In your sorrow I won't die! 

Nor this heart

In grief will I tie

With time and wisdom, 

This passion will fly for you! 

No more like today, 

My tears for you will dry! 

Forgetting, this bitter phase

I'aspire for and high! 

No regrets

No complaints, 

My life will pass by! 

But then! There's something-- 

I shouldn't lie-- 

In silence of lone nights--

Life

Without you--

Will be-- 

But, a deeply SUPPRESSED SIGH! 

Exactly how I felt the whole day after our talk.

Gonna try to sleep now.

I am such a mess today.

Thank God for friends around me and the BBQ that helped distract me a bit.

And thank God for more distractions in the days to come.

xoxo

Byul (Stars)

My all time favourite song since the first time I saw the 200 Pound Beauty movie.

Translation

The wind is shaking the windows,

and over my small room.
The stars fill up the sky,

shining brightly too many to count.
The stars reassure tired me,
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

"Don’t be hurt too much"

They hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep.

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,
though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short,

I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart,
Like those countless number of stars,

forever

My dream is coming.

Though it is unusual that my one star is bright.
It is very bright, even blinding.

It comes down to my shoulder.

"Stop being so sad"

It holds my hand as it touches me and gives me a warm hug

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,

though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get.

Even though our happy times were short,

I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars,

forever

Only for today,

I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart

Like those countless number of stars,

forever.

 

Forgive me...

...but I lied.

You told me it would be hard to find another if I would stick to you. You said it would be hard cause I would be comparing everyone else with you. You said I would miss out a lot if I did not open up my eyes to the other possibilities in life.

And what did I answered?

I smiled and told you not to worry because I would not compare.

But I lied.

Unintentionally.

How can I not compare? 

It's the little things that made me smile.

Sure, we're nothing more than friends that are comfortable with each other.

And I am fine with that.

But still, forgive me.

I am comparing. 

Even though just a bit.

What is Hope?

Do I look like I am still hoping?

How should one stop hoping?

Yes, I am hoping.

But then, people should know....

The things that we hope for changes as time passes.

Today I may be hoping for something, 

then tomorrow I might be hoping for something else.

"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all" ~ Emily Dickinson

So keep on hoping people.

But don't let it stop you from living.

xoxoxo

A song that belongs to my past

I don't know why, but today this songs popped into my head and is stucked there ever since. Making me unstable. Gahh!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ni Na Me Ai Ta
(You Love Her So Much)


zhi dao ai xiao shi ni cai dong de
You will only understand after love disappears
qu zhen xi shen bian mei ge mei hao feng jing
To appreciate all the beautiful scenery in front of you
zhi shi ta zao yi li qu
It's just that she has already left earlier
zhi dao ni xiang tong ta zao yi jing
Until you've thought it over,she has already
bu zai dui ni liu lian
Lost all her love for you
zui hou de ni
In the end
kai shi le yi duan zheng zha
You found yourself tangled in a struggle


ni na me ai ta
You love her so much
wei shen me bu ba ta liu xia
Why didn't you make her stay
wei shen me bu shuo xin li hua
Why didn't you say the words of your heart
ni shen ai ta
You love her deeply
zhe shi mei ge ren dou zhi dao a
Everyone knows that


ni na me ai ta
You love her so much
wei shen me bu ba ta liu xia
Why didn't you make her stay
shi bu shi ni you shen ai de liang ge ta
Is it that you have two of her that you love deeply
suo yi ni bu xiang zai rang zi ji wu fa zi ba
That's why you don't want to make it hard to pull yourself out of this

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, off for class.

xoxo

Wait..

Wait For Me by Rebecca St. James

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me
wait for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait
Wait for me
Darling wait
Cause I'm waiting for you
Cause I'm waiting for you
So wait for me
Darling wait
Wait for me 

October Octopus

October is here. Finals will be here soon. Damn. I am so not ready. Will have to start my revision soon. *sigh*

Okays... Since I am feeling a bit sleepy now, I will just go straight to the point. This post will be on 2 topics.

(1) Curtin Prom

(2) Vision of my future [Maybe]

So, Curtin University of Technology's Prom Night 2011.

30th of September 2011

Imperial Hotel, Miri Sarawak.

Theme : Red Carpet Soiree

Kudos to Ian for the lovely picture.

Gratitudes to Mamik for this group photo of my girls and I. 

Prom was ok. Night out to spend with the girls. 

It was the After Party that tired me out. Plus with the swimming activity I did the next day. Whoa. My feet was like numb for the whole day right up til Sunday (02/10). What do you expect when you've been wearing heels for almost 9 hours? Haha. Yes, beauty is pain. But still, I'd say it was worth it. Coz I had fun. :)

And so, moving on.

Cooked dinner with one of my bestie aka roommate. After we finished eating, we were just sitting there. Talking about random stuffs that has been happening. Then all of the sudden, she said to me "I have a vision of you in the future. Its a picture of you, standing next to a guy. The guy is tall, fair-skinned and has good body shape. He has a calm expression but I can see that he is also sweet and funny. Easy to get along with, talks a lot but at times can be quiet. He has a good job and has a high position in his job." 

Ok, that freaked me out. Coz, this girl here, she always has these instincts of when something good or bad is going to happen. And so far, her instincts are always right. So, to have her suddenly say all this while we wee in the middle of a conversation about some random stuff, scary. And that's not all she said. After laughing around to calm down when hearing she said all that, she continued again.

"He will be wearing a white-collared shirt. You are standing on his right. At the time the pic was taken, you both just started to know each other. I can see that coz the both of you are not standing close together. And I know how you like to pose for pics. But in this pic, you were very shy."

"I can see his face clearly. If he were to walk by me, I will be able to recognize him."

Actually, the whole time she was talking about this guy, there is one person on my mind and I hoped it was not him. When I told her, she immediately said, "No, he is not the one. I saw his pic and they are not the same guy."

Scary right? Wanna know what is more scary after that? Browsed through pictures of friends in FB and when she saw one, she straight-away laughed and hide her face. Then looked at me and said, "Remember k? He is wearing a white-collared shirt. Remember."

Damn. Scary.

Ok, off to bed. Huhuhu

xoxoxo

Damn.Damn.Damn~

#songstuckinmyhead #onrepeat 

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

Who has been in my mind throughout this song?

No one in particular.

I just love this song.

Avril Lavigne's song.

Loved her from her first song.

:)

Summer kisses, Winter tears

Yes, irrelevant tittle again.

That song was stuck in my head for no reason. 

Weird.

So tonight, I am feeling a bit lazy.

I found a very interesting topic to talked about but, since the laziness is here, maybe I talk about that some other time.

So, went to the beach. Kidnapped my neighbour's dog and bought him along to the beach. 

Hahaha.

Al-right. A picture can say thousands of words right?

:)

Gazing towards the Future

"We will never know for certain what the future holds for us. For we can only plan. But God makes the decisions. Trust in Him." 

Through thick and thin?

"No matter how difficult the challenges ahead may be, if there's a trusty friend by your side then you will make it through."

Okay. That's all for now. 

:)

xoxoxo

Red is Sexy??

Just a random post on a Sunday evening. Wasting precious time before going off to the beach for a jog later. Hm, I have lots of sunset pics from my jogging activities. Maybe will post 'em up later when I'm free (or procrastinating). ;)

Yesterday, the girls and I went shopping for Prom. Yes, Prom is coming real soon!! This Friday, 30th September. The theme, Red Carpet Soiree. 

And so, while out Prom accessories hunting, we went hunting for that Oh-So-Sexy Red lipstick that matches us. Tried on so many that I got really tired of lipsticks. And FYI, I am soooo not a lipstick person. *sigh* But then, we found the colour that seems okay... (And means more to me I guess. Coz I really dun look good in lipsticks.) 

And, girls being girls, once we have one something new, what else do we do best?

CAM-WHORING!!

Hahaha.

Red is OH-SO-SEXY-HOT!!

Hahaha.

Okthanksbye!!

xoxoxo

Music helps me get by

These eyes of mine seriously has problem. Can't sleep. *sigh*

Topic for tonight, music. 

Music really is my life, well not literally. But then, without music, I don't know how I would be able to get through those rough days when I just feel like breaking down. Seriously. Music helped me get by.

In times of sadness, mad, happiness, bored. 

I find most of my cures in MUSIC.

:)

Beautiful song with beautiful meanings.

Leona Lewis is always a favourite. Her songs always relates to me.

Love Songs from 2000 to 2010

I've sang along each and every one of these songs and some of them played a significant rle in some part of my life. :)

Ok. This is a random song from one of the Disney's cartoons that I grew up watching.

This particular song is one of my favourite from that cartoon. Haha

"Go on and kiss the girl"

And this song, also from Disney is a song that I love coz it somehow teaches us about life.

"Your journey has only begun"

Ok. 4 videos in one post should be more than enough. :)

xoxoxox

More distractions

45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON'T ASK FOR:

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..
26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.

You’ll never know when she needs just a little more love .. ♥!


Taken from here. 


xoxoxo

Repeatingly

"Be safe always"

The phrase that has been repeating in my head since Saturday morning.

I love that phrase. I don't think I've told anyone about this before. And surprisingly, that person has been telling me this once in awhile. Ha-ha. Such a coincidence. 

Really is a blessing in disguise.

Went to the beach for a jog. The most soothing place to be on Earth. 

Running away from all the anxieties. 

:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And I don't want the world to see me. "Coz I don't think that they'll understand."

Bed now. Have to get up early later.

Blessed Sunday lovely people.

xoxoxo

Life.Choices.Decisions.

It started out with a simple question, felt at that moment of time.

"Why is life not fair sometimes?"

And from there on, the advises starts pouring in. And with those advises, the long held back tears started to fall. But luckily it didn't last for long. This time, there's a certain someone that made me laugh even though the tears were still falling.

Here's yet another person that says I am a strong girl. When the fact is, I don't think I am. Well, maybe sometimes I can be. But to always be strong, it's so tiring. Maybe it is my fault for always putting on a smiling brave face for the world to see whenever facing problems but when I am alone safe and sound in my room I would cry my heart out. And yet, what else can I do? Sure, my tears may fall easily. Especially when I am watching a sad movie. But that's it, tears that are evoked from the sad life of others. Real tears that are evoked from my own emotions, very few people has been given the opportunity to see them. Not even my parents. I hide them away. And thus, the high expectation of people that I must always be strong. Especially in times like this. Hence, the issue of life being not fair arises. 

And so, after much thinking on the advises that I have received from two people....I can put it this way.

Yes, life may seem unfair sometimes. These "sometimes" are usually the times where you would let your mind wander off and think of the nonsenses that happened around you. If you were to close your eyes and focus on appreciating the little things that you have now and that is happening around you, you won't feel that life is unfair. And that is what I should do. Appreciate the little things happening that makes me happy, don't think of the what could have been and have faith that God is going to handle the big perfect picture with all the little things that I appreciate...

On people's expectation on me, well...as that someone told me... People may place high expectation on us sometimes and maybe for now we will not be able to live up to their expectations. But it's okay. As time passes and we grow up, we will soon be able to fill those expectations. Go through each day with God in our heart, and things will be okay. Life is about acting too sometimes,to please the people around us when they expect too much from us. But from that, we will soon be able to learn a lot and in time build up our personality. 

On issues of searching for the answers for the questions I have in life, people would always tell me the same thing, "Time will tell". To me, "Time is nothing", and yet this person says that "Time is everything". Allow me to point out something for you all to ponder on. Time is Nothing when you are happy with what you have in life and appreciate all the little miracles around you. But when you are expecting for something more from life, that is when you will see that Time is actually Everything. Am I right or am I wrong?  So, which part of life are you in now? Maybe in between?

Life can be ironic sometimes. To have found that person. To be so close and yet so far. To be so comfortable with him. To only remain friends and as each day passes by, realize that that is all he is and meant to be. To be sad about how things ended up to be and yet in the same time to have him add more laughters in your life. To feel that you have known him for a lifetime even though its has only been a month. To have him give you advises on things that you once hoped from him. But most importantly, to have him give you hope and encourage you more to be excited and not be afraid of the future. Yes, life can be ironic sometimes. And yet maybe, this is a blessing in disguise.

And so as I head off to bed after this, I would hope that I am somewhat a bit wiser and somehow a bit more courageous to face the future.


Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Each and everyone of you.
For making my life seem more beautiful.
I love each and everyone of you.
With all my heart and soul.
Sincerely I do.


xoxoxo

Wow!

I've just realized. 

This silly blog of mine has reached 1000 views.

Who are you people??

I assume you might have just by accidence come across this blog, read a few lines then faster leave this page. Because from my own opinion, this is one heck of a boring blog. 

Hahaha.

So I am surprised.

Listening

Distant rumbling of thunders can be heard. It's gonna rain soon.. 

Rain. 

The one weather that provokes so many different type of emotions in me. I love the rain. The sound of it falling brings me comfort and the sense of security. And yet, there are times when the sound of raindrops brings the sense of loneliness and sadness as well.

The turmoil I am going through now, I try so hard to hide it away. 

Why is it so when I've finally found a person that has almost everything that I have been searching for in a guy, and yet to just finally end up as just friends? To feel so comfortable with a person in such a short period that you dare to think that there might be more. Where is the fairness in this? Knowing me, I'm not the type that gets comfortable with new people so fast, let alone a guy. So where is the fairness in all of this???

 I've slowly adjusted myself to look at him in a new perspective. Since he sees me as a sister, it's fair that I too sees him not more then a brother. Right? Slowly, the term 哥 seems to be more fitting for him than anything else. And to hear him call me Girl so naturally as if we've known each other forever, some how puts a smile on my face. Silly huh?

But then there are times when I allow my brain to wander and think about all this matters, I'd feel those prickling sensation in my eyes. To not feel a tad bit of sadness and unfairness, I would be lying. But I have not yet allowed myself to cry over this. No, I will not cry. :)

And so every time I get sad and every night (or morning) before I sleep, I'll ensure myself that God must have better plans to just place both of us as friends. I will keep my faith in Him and believe that He knows what's best for me, and also for him.

So until then, I should live life happily and also gratefully. No?

"I'm tired of fighting. I want to be fought for. I'm tired of caring. I want to be cared for. I'm tired of being just me. I want to be yours." #TheNoteboook

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Listen with your heart, you will understand"

But now the only sounds I can hear are the sounds of raindrops falling.

And for tonight, those sounds are soothing sounds to be made into my lullaby as I drift of to sleep later.

So until the next post,

xoxoxo

Destiny?

A night out together.

Drinks.

Small talks. Chit Chats.

Little memorable gestures.

Jokes.

Smiles. Laughters.

That infectious laughter I love to hear.

Feeling of comfort. Cosy.

A hug. A peck on the cheek. 

A suppressed sigh.

Unfulfilled dreams.

Life. Fate. Destiny.

Seriously?

Okay. 

Fresh start. New clean slate. 

PLEASE!!!! 

 A sister? Seriously? 

Like serious seriously??

*sigh*

Fine.. Sister then..

*Adjustment mode on*

I did it again...

Hi. Hello. When was the last time I wrote? I think that would be roughly at the beginning of this semester, around 6 weeks ago.

And so ... what has happened since 6 weeks has gone by?

1. Half of the semester has gone. 6 weeks left to finish!

2. I have an awesome room mate that keeps me laughing most of the time.

3. I have tonnes of work to be done but I keep getting lazier as time passes.

4. Its been a while but I am sure now I only see that person as a friend.

5. I've gotten myself a new piercing. My last and final piercing.

6. I am trying to lose weight for Prom which is on the 30th of Sept.

7. I am homesick.

8. My heart might be in trouble again.

So, that is pretty much a summary of all that has happened in the 6 weeks I haven't been writing.

I dunno why but I do feel extra lazy this sem. The nearer it gets to the end, the more I want to just have fun and enjoy around with the girls here. Funny right? *sigh* There are times when I am super rajin, I will be doing all my work in a fast-paced mode. But once that dose of laziness is here, sayonara la everyone. I will be on the bed, reading craps and just being lazy.

Right now, my heart might be in trouble again. I won't say anything more. I'm tired to keep on talking about my heart. What I know for sure now is that I am missing some one and I know that it is pointless because he sees me as a friend only. End of story.

Ok bye. need to be rajin a bit and do some readings. Eh, not some. A LOT!!

Until the next post,

xoxoxo

This and That. Here and There.

Hello. It's been a while. Did anyone miss me? I doubt it. No one ever reads my blog. Hahaha.

So, what has been happening? Last sem's results are out (I passed all my units. Yea me!). Sem break's over. I'm back in Miri again. New and final sem starts on Monday. Lost a few friends during the sem break. And, I met up with that some one in Kuching last week.

Refering to my previous post, that some one did not meet up with me in Miri. That saved me a lot from having a nervous breakdown. Haha. And because I would be in Kuching for a friend's wedding, took the chance to meet up with him. Was I nervous? Hell yeah! Super nervous! Felt as if I had to sit for an exam paper and I had not enough revisions. Hahaha.

How did it went?

I made a fool of myself. Because I was super nervous, I clammed up. Got tongue-tied. And so, I think he has the impression that I am a boring person. He kept on asking, "Are you ok?". *sigh* After 7 years, thats the best I could do??? So sorry, but you make me so nervous! And shy.

Can I rewind that evening again and talk more? Ask more? Relax more? But alas. We can never turn back the hands of time. Hahaha. So I just hope, if we were to meet up again (hopefully soon!), I'd be more talkative. More like myself. And can I be more mature?? Coz he's calling me an innocent kid. :S Can't help it, thats just the way I am.

Better go and sleep now. Had a tiring journey. Can't wait for Monday to come! And Sunday! Gonna meet a friend that's gonna be my room mate this sem. FunFunFun!! :)

xoxoxo

Moments of Insecurities...

I am supposed to be revising for my finals. But lately, a lot has happened. Knowing me, I can't pay full attention until I let off some of the load I'm feeling. Where else can I do that except here? ;)

Are you happy being single? Some one asked me that question few days ago. I happily told that person, Yes. Comparing me to the person I was last year and the year before, I am so much more happy. Some friends tell me to take my time to heal before venturing into the world of relationships again. Others would tell me be brave and just try again. But hey, I'll just smile and say, "We'll see".

The truth is, this heart of mine is still afraid. Bcoz from what I've been through, everytime I fall for someone, it would either not work out or I would end up being hurt real bad.

So for now, whenever some one asks me, I'll just smile.

Moving on to something else that is completely has no link to what I've talking about earlier.... Tonight I'll be praying extra hard for strength. There's something I have to do tomorrow that I dread. I am afraid but I know I have to do it.

Ok, back to studying. I can't wait for Monday to come. Not because I'm super clever and can't wait to sit for my paper. But because I'll be meeting one of my reason that made me smile throughout this semester.

xoxoxo

I miss....

Hello there poppets!! ;)

Dunno why but that phrase just popped up. So random.

Lately I've been in a lovey-dovey mood. Went to sleep at night listening to songs like Jason Derulo's What If. Maybe its because of all these wedding invitation that I have been receiving. Up till today, I've received 7 wedding invitation and also 2 engagement invitations. So, lovey-dovey mood kicking in...

I'm not saying that I desperately wanna be in a relationship. No, I'm happy now. Enjoying my life with the new circle of gfs and thr environment they bring. But sometimes at night, I kinda miss some things that only being in a relationship can provide.

I kinda miss playing around with sum1, being just the silly me and giggling to whatever silly jokes that only we get.

I miss feeling so small and vulnerable in the arms of sum1 that loves me. I miss the cosy, protected feelings.

I miss the quietness and content feeling when i'm with sum1.

Yes, yes, I know I'm a dreamer. But hey, thats just me. ;)

I miss a lot of things, but I'm not in a rush. When the time is right, I guess I will feel all those again. With the right person. Til then, I'll just smile and enjoy each and every passing day to the fullest.

;)

Don't.

Dear tears, don't visit me tonight k?

I received a missed call from ***** just now. I dunno what she wants. Texted XX to tell about d miss call that I received. Now feeling a bit sad.. I am moving on, being happy without XX in my life anymore. I don't need ***** to pop in and remind me how happy she is with XX. Thanks, but no thanks...

Although this sem has been hectic to the point if me getting sick from all the workload, I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have new friends around me. I'm grateful for the new environment that my Heavenly Father has placed me in. I will learn to be strong and believe one day my heart will learn to completely forgive and won't be afraid to start all over again. I place my heart unto the hands that I trust the most and the one that I know will never desert me.

Just a while ago, I was listening to Avril's song tittled Goodbye Lullaby. Can't help feeling sad. Perhaps that will be my lullaby for tonight.

Off to bed. Early right tonight? I'll wake up early tomorrow and continue my last assignment for this sem. Time really does fly by right? Been acknowledging to myself that I am officially single for 9 months now, even though I know it has been more. I will be strong and forget the past.

I'll blog again soon with happy events. Nites.

xoxo

Hopeless...

In reality it would be hopeless in ever meeting you again.
So can we meet up in my dreams?
My dreamland would also become my fantasyland.
A place to forget the harsh reality.
So, let's go.
I'll wait.

Early morning!

6.30 in the morning and I'm at the beach. The sound of waves crashing on the shores are the most soothing sounds for me. It always have been. I love the beach. Why are people wasting their time sleeping when they can be strolling?

From where I'm sitting, I can see the jetty. Haven't been there for quite a while. But I guess, I don't really wanna go there... The memories, ah! Go away! :(

Last night was horrible. Simply horrible. I was really looking forward to this. But last night, I locked myself in the bathroom, quietly crying my heart out. Plain torture ok? I know I've said I moved on. But as strong and patient as I seem, I don't have enough strength to just sit there and watch someone I used to love being lovey-dovey with someone else. Pure torture okay?

Ok, I hear questions asked in why am I torturing myself like this. FYI, it was supposed to be us friends only. But then, ***** couldn't trust XX and so tagged along. Fine, I told myself I will be okay. I'll just talked to my other friends, XX's cousin. But then, she bailed. Said she was too tired to join us. Argh!! So it was only the 3 of us left. Damn. If I knew my other friend would bail, I would rather not come along. Eventhough I haven't seen XX for almost a month now, I'd rather not meet XX at all then torture myself...

But I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it. Going to jump into the pool later and just ignore ***** for the whole day. She's caused me so many pain. So I don't think I owe her anything. K gtg. Sandflies are killing me.

Gtg and put on my smiling face again. :)

xoxo

Updates Updates Updates

How long has it been? Time really do fly by. April is coming to an end soon. Can't believe this. *sigh*

So..... What's new? Nothing much actually. Still have tonnes of assignments to do but I'm so lazy. I've recovered from my fever+flu+cough. Hm.. What else?

Been around with a new group of friends now. God really is answering my prayer.. :)

Once in a while when I let myself drift back towards my past, I feel all the heartache and longings rush back to me, full blast. I know I shouldn't be doing this but, I dunno. I'm still a fool I guess. Thats why I am really greatful for this bunch of new friends around me. A change of scenery I guess. At least being with them doesn't always reminds me of the past.

Ok. I better go now. Wanna watch a movie. Need to pay attention. :)

xoxo

It's Monday again...

...but baby I don't care. Coz when I'm with you, everything feels alright.

Yeah... Its lyrics from a song. Lame, I know.. But for this semester, I love Mondays. Hehehe. No, I'm not gonna tell why.

2 in the morning, almost 3. Why am I still up? ASSIGNMENT!!! Been forcing myself to get it done but sadly, I just can't. Why oh why am I like this?? *sigh* And I just found out a while ago that I have not 2, but 3 presentation on the week after my free week. Demm!!! So my free week won't be so free. (¡_¡) *stress*

Ok bye. Gonna go and force myself to do the assgnment. Grrr!!

xoxo

Hello, Hello

Yes, yes I know that I am supposed to be sleeping. Ish. But I just took a shower and so now I am feeling a bit refreshed. So while I'm waiting for sleep to come knocking, might as well blab a bit in my blog, eventhough no one is reading. Hahaha.

Weekend was plain boring.. Saturday I had mid terms for Accounting Managerial (which was really confusing), so I spent most of the days before that doing revisions. Then after the accounting mid terms, I have to prepare myself to yet another test, which is for my System Analysis & Design unit. The test would be on Wednesday, 13th. Days before Weds would be pretty busy because I still have to make sure that me n my group members are completely our task for the SAD assignment just like what we've outlined in the Work Plan. I do not wanna leave things till the last minutes again 'coz this assignment really has a lot of things to be done. And I know that I will have like 3 presentations due around the same time this SAD assignment is due. :S Ow, and after my Test 1 on Wednesday, gotta finish up my 2000 word critical essay. Fun right?

This semester really seems a bit boring. But times do fly by so fast! Maybe its because of the increasing workloads. Heck! I spent more time in the library now, studying and doing tutorials! I'm such a nerd... Even on weekends I am nerding in my room.. *sobsob*

But enough talking 'bout nerds. While I was taking a break just now, I did some readings. Then suddenly an incident from High School came to mind. Hahaha. Since I have nothing much to write, allow me to blab about this. :)

It was in the year 2002, I was in Form 4. :) Me and my friends were quite close to our English/P.Moral teacher, Mr.Andee Yeo. Now, one day after our Moral class, Mr. Andee told me to come and look for him during recess. So I said, ok without giving it much thoughts. But when recess came, I totally forgot 'bout having to go and meet him. There was something going on, I don't really remember what, but it made me sad. So there I was, feeling sorry for myself on the balcony when looking down, there was Mr.Andee, looking up at me.

"I thought I told you to come and look for me during recess?"

Hahaha. Told him I was sorry but I totally forgot. So down I went to meet him. And guess what was the reason he asked me to meet him? With a serious face, he started to tell he that when he was a student, his English teacher took him aside and gave him a book. His teacher had said that it was a tradition that was being passed on, a teacher giving his/her student a book. And so, Mr.Andee told me that he would like to pass on the tradition by giving me a book. He said that I would be the suitable student because #### (I'm too shy to say it here) and thats why he's chosen me. I was really2 touched. When I've said ny thanks and went back to my classroom, I was too stunned to begin telling my friends why Mr.Andee asked to look for him.

The book that he gave was 'Piercing The Darkness' by Frank E. Peretti. It was a good book. And I really treasure it. But thinking of what this teacher of mine had told me, I felt sad. Looks like I won't be able to pass on the tradition..

I've tried asking for TESL, twice. I love English. And it has always been my dream to share my passion for English Literature to young minds one day. But sadly, applied twice but didnt receive any response from neither of my application. So here I am, stuck doing something thats not my passion.

Read that book twice, and if only that book is here with me now, I would love to read it again. :)

Ok enough. Ohemgee, look at the time! Better sleep. Early class later on. Back to the nerdy life in campus. (¡_¡)

xoxoxo

Tears are words your heart cannot express...

Hush, hush.. I'm crying again..

I can't write why 'coz the reason may seem so absurd to some. Even I still find it hard to believe. But it really makes me sad.. The last time I cried so hard like dis was back in Dec 2010..

I wanna leave Miri, can?

A short post

Okay okay okay! I know its past midnight and I should be asleep by now. But the problem is, I accidently fell asleep around 6pm and only woke up at 8.30pm. (¡_¡) Besides, it's always at times like this when I get the most ideas on what to write.

But, I've said earlier on in the tittle itself that this will be a short post. I am curently into the vintage bag craze. Since I saw a shop full with those cute bags in Kuching somewhere around Dec last year. But I missed out the opportunity to get myself one. Really felt bummed out. Until I found bags like those I saw back in Dec in a boutique in one of Miri's shopping mall. Yeah! So I got myself a bag (thanks to my generous lil sis who sponsered me) and I was happy.

Then! Just a while ago, my bestie's cousin (who's like family already to me) called and told me she bought a vintage bag for her sis but the sis already has one with d same colour. So she asked me whether I want the bag. Like HELL YEAH!! Hahaha.

So now I am more than happy. ;)

Ok that's all. Need to go to sleep 'coz I have to wake up early later. Breaskfast with darling bestie. At 8! Haha.

xoxo



p/s. I'm gonna have a new dress as well. N knowing this gal, she always chooses dresses that are cute and suits my taste. :)

April already?!

April. Wow. Why is time passing by so fast?! I'm not even having a good time. Or maybe I am, without realizing it. Hmmm... Is doing assignments and tutorial questions considered as having a good time?? Haha.

I know, I know... Even with wifi 24/7 at home I'm still not writing regularly. I dunno. There's nothing much to say now anyway. Hmmm... Lemme think first what has happened recently in my life.

**thinking**

Okay. Last night I felt relieved. After telling what was really happening to a friend of mine. But I felt a bit bad too for telling her what our friend was going through bcoz I know she has a soft and caring heart. The story I told might her sad and worried. And that was just the summary! But still, felt relieved.

I'm supposed to be tidying up my room now because the landlady will be coming. My air-con socket seems to be having problem. So she's coming over to check. Feeling a bit nervous 'coz I've never met her. Hehe.

Ow! I bought wall stickers to decorate my room a bit. There's a lotof space in my new room and my hand itches to do something artsy on the walls. So far there's 2 spot where I've covered with wall stickers. Still thinking what to do next. Maybe cover it with more wall stickers and try to create a story out of them. Haha.

And for the last 2 night I dreamt of the past. I dunno why the past suddenly decided to come back and haunt my dreams 'coz I've been doing okay. I mean, sure there are a part of me thats still a bit sad over what had happened but I'm not letting that sad part of me take over my life like it used to. But those dreams, makes me sad when I wake up. But its okay. 'Coz later on during the day, I'll just focus on something else and be happy again. ;)

What else? What else? Yesterday had salmon for lunch at Sanga Japanese Restaurant. But I forgot to take a pic coz I was too hungry. Haha.

Maybe I can stop now? Coz I'm out of ideas. Will write again soon.

xoxo

If I Could Have Just One Kiss?

Haha. Watsup wif d tittle? It's a line from a song thats been stuck in my head for almost a week now. Just One Kiss by Nick Carter. Oh? Heard a snigger there. Yes, I'm a Nick Carter fan. Been a fan since 1997. Hush! Haha.

Right now, I'm suppose to be typing my 2000 word essay. But I don't have the motivatiin and I don't have any idea how to start. Waiting for the 'feel' to come. Then I can start. Haha. So until the 'feel' comes, lemme waste some time doing nothing. **procastinating** :)

Lately, I dunno why but I feel trapped. Dunno what more suitable words to use. Sorry Mr.Bestie if my answer was not the one you wanted to hear. But after a 5yr relationship, not including the time I took to completely let go and move, I wanna be free. I wanna enjoy being single. Haha. I cannot describe the incredible feelings i feel now when my heart has finally moved on. I fly like I could soar! *exaggerate* Haha. But really, I can't find the right word to describe. I'm just so very happy. So I wanna savour this feeling. I don't wanna get tied up so soon. Luciky the Bestie understands. Heck, more than understands! He gave me advises some more! <- direct translation. My dad will kill me if he finds out I'm writing sentences thus way. Anyway, he really is a sweet guy. But I dunno.. I don't have that butterfly in ur tummies feelings with him. *sigh* Besides, even though we've known each other for like 12 years ... People changes. Believe me, I've changed. In High School, I was this noisy girl that laughs out loudly and swear excessively. Haha. Look at me now. I've grown up. And this is who I am now, not the loud noisy girl from High School. And I'm afraid, its dat loud noisy girl he's looking for. Well she's still here, somewhere deep inside. But there a sensitivepart of me over that noisy girl now. Heartache and experience really changed me. :) So, even with 12 years of friendship, Mr.Bestie doesn't know me well enough yet. And sadly, I sometimes get annoyed. So to save whatever friendship I have left, that was the best answer I could give.

Btw, my lil bro will be studying in Miri now. Starts on Monday. Hope he will be better. :)

Now, I better go back to staring at my lappie screen. *sigh*

p.s : I dunno why but suddenly there's A LOT of cute guys when I walk around campus. Haha.

xoxo

Wifi @home :)

Yeah! Finally got streamyx at home. :) Dat means more updates for my poor negleceted bloggie. Haha. Wait~ I should have said "Can search articles & journals for my assignments!" instead of updates. Haha. Temptations, must resist.

3rd week. So far so good. Spent most of my times in between class being a nerd in the library. Because, I'm too lazy to walk 5mins to n fro my house and the bus stop at 12noon. Freaking hot! Except today, rained buckets and buckets. Sigh. Luckily managed to get to the bus stop without getting myself too wet.

What else to talk about hm? Is it because I'm feeling content now so I don't have much too share? Haha. I hope not. I miss baking la. If only my current house has a mini stove for me to do bakings.. But I guess we can't have everything right? Haha.

Before I forget, thank you Mr.Bestie for always making me smile. Eventhough you do it in a strange way which I guess other people won't understand. :)

And thank you God for the little things that you've shown what me n my heart are capable of. :)

*sigh*

Why? Why? Why?

If this is anothet test that You're placing before me, I pray that You would also provide me with the strength and patience to endure this. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I love them both very much coz they are my parents. Each plays an important role in my life. But to see them like this, it hurts me so much more than they realize. So, so much more.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I just hope I would be able to understand why this is happening. To me, to my family.

What should I do now?

:'(

24/7, My Heaven

Ignore the tittle. It's just lyrics frm a song that's stuck in my head. :) I'm back in Miri. Bit homesick but hey, what do you expect after you've been pampered for 3 months. Haha.

So far, after the sad incident in December, I'm ok. In fact I myself find it hard to believe but I think I've let go. :) There's some one who cares for me and makes sure that I'm not sad. Haha. I remember writing in a post once that I dun like the person I've becomed. That I would not feel proud of myself if I were to meet up with my friends from High School. But now, I can say that I've found the person that I used to be. Before the heartaches, the jealousy, the pretennds and the cryings. I've found the happy me that I used to be. Thanks to a very close friend of mine. God certainly did answer my prayers by sending back into my life. :)

So, 2011. I am now more confident to face whatever you throw at me. :)

Starting all over again..

So.. Where to start? How to start? I guess the first step to take is to forgive myself snd just let go. We cannot change the past.. That's what I tell myself anyway. Haha.

I've been working. It may be tiring but in a way I feel as it's a blessing. At least when I'm busy, my mind won't wander off and think of the bad things that has happened. And at night, I'd be so tired that I'll fal asleep straight away. So, believe it or not... I'm good. :))

2011.. May this year bring better memories. Although 2010 has been a hell of a year for me, I'm thankful for 2010. That year has taught me to be strong and has also shown me what I'm capable of. Heart-broken as I may have been, I'm glad of the lessons I've learnt. :)

Besides, not all of 2010 is bad... I got a really cool present from my dad for my bday. Haha.

So thanks 2010.. 2011, I'm ready for whatever challenges you throw at me!

Cheers everyone. Have a Happy 2011. :)