9th of November.
What the hell did I do?
Why the hell did I do it?
He came to my place yesterday around 12am, with his friend. Drunk and still ongoing with the drinking. Oh the noisy laughters of a drunk-head, and yet the infectious laughter that I love and missed. So, talked ( at least they did, I was busy laughing silently) til around 2am. Then his friend went to sleep. He was supposed to sleep as well, being super drunk and all. But he did not.
Ended up talking.
Ah me, the things he told me. The things he advises. The way he said it all.
With him it is always about Fate and Destiny.
Things could have been different between us, but here we are.
Having a comfortable close "brother-sister" relationship.
Fate. Destiny. Life.
Maybe he doesn't know or even realize, but its the little things he did that morning that keeps me smiling today. How he'd pinch my nose when I smile at stuffs he advised, or how he'd ruffle my hair when I agree on certain points of the conversation. The little smile he has when he looks at me. *slapself!*
And that morning, he whispered, "Find someone better. I'm sorry that I am not the one."
"I love you girl, but as a sister."
He never said that.
And he is saying all these when he is drunk.
People say, the words of a drunken are the ones they say from their heart.
I have to be grateful for what I have now.
Don't be selfish and wish for more.
Will listen to his advises, that he repeated over and over again.
But after he left that morning, I will not deny.
I cried.
For the things that will never be.
*sigh*
Found this poem online.
It says exactly everything I felt.
But A Suppressed Sigh by Anju Addanki
Nor are you my life.
Nor the air I breathe
Nor I say 'Without you-oh dear I can't live!
For in such untrue words
My heart doesn't believe
Throughout the life for someone;
No one ever grieves!
If it's destiny
and you can't be mine
In your sorrow I won't die!
Nor this heart
In grief will I tie
With time and wisdom,
This passion will fly for you!
No more like today,
My tears for you will dry!
Forgetting, this bitter phase
I'aspire for and high!
No regrets
No complaints,
My life will pass by!
But then! There's something--
I shouldn't lie--
In silence of lone nights--
Life
Without you--
Will be--
But, a deeply SUPPRESSED SIGH!
Exactly how I felt the whole day after our talk.
Gonna try to sleep now.
I am such a mess today.
Thank God for friends around me and the BBQ that helped distract me a bit.
And thank God for more distractions in the days to come.
xoxo
