Yes that's right.
Yours truly has the sniffles. During final exam week. Great huh?
Wifi is back. So I am typing out this post on the lappie. Can't study any more, this nose is killing me. And my mind is distracted.
Been reading back on what I've posted on this nonsense blog of mine for the past few years. Ohemgee. Has it been that bad? Have I always been crying? Was it so hard to move on? Has it really been that complicated?
Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes.
But no, I don't regret anything. If I were given the chance to turn back time and change something, I won't change anything. Why? Because the past had taught me a lot. Because all the heartache I went through, eventually lead me to someone. Unexpectedly.
The last one month has been blissful. Yes, friends all say that these early periods are just the honeymoon stages. Heck, been there and done that before with the previous relationship. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time, it will last.
I really never expected that things will turn out this way. What were only meant to be just an attraction, turned out to be all this. There are many times I'll catch myself smiling for no particular reasons. It hasn't been easy. There were always doubts. Doubts in myself, in him, in what is happening around me. Because everything that has happened were really unexpected. And I doubt myself for feeling this strong of attraction, even on the first night of meeting him. Told myself, nah... Couldn't be. Besides, what are the chances of meeting up again and becoming more than just acquaintances?
But then, hey. Back in Curtin and things turned out differently. From acquaintances to friends. Oh my, the attraction? Ever so much harder to ignore. It was when I'd suddenly realize that I smile to myself myself whenever I receive text messages from him or knowing that there would be a chance of meeting up with him, then I realized that this was no longer attraction. But I couldn't bring myself to admit it, even to myself. Denial.
Besides, keep telling myself over and over again that this cannot be. My feelings were for another. Was it not so? Confusion. Doubts. Denial.
And so, how did it all end up this way?
Believe me, took me quite some time to be sure of myself. Because I realized it wouldn't be fair for him and it would kill me to hurt such a guy if I were to make the wrong decision. The number of advises that close friends gave and the amount of time spent on pondering. In the end, I came to the decision of just doing what makes me happy. Because what makes me happy should be the right choice. Besides, an advise that one of my close friend (who is also my house mate) told me made me realized something.
So here we are. A month has past. So far, everything has been just fine. Keeping my fingers crossed, really really tightly.
This is why I haven't been posting anything during the month of April. Been caught up with the whirlwind of everything happening. Even for May.
So, the past would just stay in the past. The feelings, stay there. The lessons, always with me.
Thank you ❤. For always not wanting to care much about my past.
The past shapes the person we are today. But its the present and the future that's important.
*fingerscrossed!*
xoxoxo
