Yes. I can't sleep again. This is stupid. I have a headache right now. Been trying to sleep since 1am. *sigh* Why won't sleep come to me? This is tiring ...
Earlier on, I told someone that I wouldn't read their personal blog anymore. Too painful for me. So just now, I went for a visit one last time (I hope). Still so very painful. Ah silly heart of mine, when will you ever learn?
Remember in earlier posts I told mein honigbienchen that "For better or worse, I got you"? I meant that, I really do. Coz no matter what had happened between us, this person really means a lot to me. But the silly thing is, whatever promises or wishes that I've made to this person, this person did to another. Do you get what I'm saying? Here I am promising that I'll always be here and that I could take away the pain and burden. Here I am trying to find happiness in my dreams and wishing this person all the happiness in real life. And there's this person promising to always be there for another person. Promising and wishing basically everything that I've promised or wished unto this person. It sort of opened up my eyes. I understand now what this person truly felt for that other girl. As much love as I'm feeling for this person... And if all the love is out there for that other girl, there is absolutely no hope for me anymore. Not one tiniest bit... Silly huh? To be slapped in the face by cruel reality. To finally realize I'm a nobody ...
Why do I love you so? This is silly, so silly. For me to keep holding on when you're trying so hard to push me away? But you know what scares me now? To still have this feeling of love and longing to be with you, and yet discover that as each day passes it is getting easier and easier to let you go and move on. That scares me sometimes ... Really scares me. And confuses me in the same time... The heart is a funny thing ...
I'm tired of turning into a human water tap every now and then. And yet I'm also tired of pretending everything is fun and okay. Basically, I'm just tired of my life. Reading used to be my way of escaping. To immerse myself into the life of the characters in books and read on til a happily ever after. But now, I'm tired of doing that. I'd read halfway then put the book down thinking life's not fair. How come characters in books always gets their happily ever after? And so I turn to sleeping as a way to escape. To retreat into a fairytale of my own where everything is back to how it used to be. But then waking up to reality seems so harsh. What can I do now?
What am I to do with my life?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hello by Evanescence
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you, she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When will my next adventure begin?
Nite everyone. Better get to sleep before Mr. Teardrops decides to pay me a visit.
Earlier on, I told someone that I wouldn't read their personal blog anymore. Too painful for me. So just now, I went for a visit one last time (I hope). Still so very painful. Ah silly heart of mine, when will you ever learn?
Remember in earlier posts I told mein honigbienchen that "For better or worse, I got you"? I meant that, I really do. Coz no matter what had happened between us, this person really means a lot to me. But the silly thing is, whatever promises or wishes that I've made to this person, this person did to another. Do you get what I'm saying? Here I am promising that I'll always be here and that I could take away the pain and burden. Here I am trying to find happiness in my dreams and wishing this person all the happiness in real life. And there's this person promising to always be there for another person. Promising and wishing basically everything that I've promised or wished unto this person. It sort of opened up my eyes. I understand now what this person truly felt for that other girl. As much love as I'm feeling for this person... And if all the love is out there for that other girl, there is absolutely no hope for me anymore. Not one tiniest bit... Silly huh? To be slapped in the face by cruel reality. To finally realize I'm a nobody ...
Why do I love you so? This is silly, so silly. For me to keep holding on when you're trying so hard to push me away? But you know what scares me now? To still have this feeling of love and longing to be with you, and yet discover that as each day passes it is getting easier and easier to let you go and move on. That scares me sometimes ... Really scares me. And confuses me in the same time... The heart is a funny thing ...
I'm tired of turning into a human water tap every now and then. And yet I'm also tired of pretending everything is fun and okay. Basically, I'm just tired of my life. Reading used to be my way of escaping. To immerse myself into the life of the characters in books and read on til a happily ever after. But now, I'm tired of doing that. I'd read halfway then put the book down thinking life's not fair. How come characters in books always gets their happily ever after? And so I turn to sleeping as a way to escape. To retreat into a fairytale of my own where everything is back to how it used to be. But then waking up to reality seems so harsh. What can I do now?
What am I to do with my life?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hello by Evanescence
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you, she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When will my next adventure begin?
Nite everyone. Better get to sleep before Mr. Teardrops decides to pay me a visit.
0 comments:
Post a Comment