Starts With Goodbye

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
Na na na na na na na.

A short one ...

Just writing to say I'm feeling sad. Saw lots of my friends and old classmates in campus today. All attending the Graduation ceremony tomorrow. *sigh* I wanna be a part of that .. When I grad, there won't be many people that I know.

Owh btw, I've made a major decision. Bcoz I'm so tired of who I've become these last few months, I'm pushing myself to really let go... T.T

That's all. More updates on the Graduation ceremony tomorrow. Owh, I forget to mention. I will be attending too. But as a guest.

Tata for now.

Who am I?

*sigh*

I've been going on and on like this for almost 4 months now... It's tiring. I don't know who am I anymore. I feel so demotivated. Nothing is right anymore.

After THE TALK just now, I finally understand who I really am in dat someone's life. Who am I kidding? All those post of me saying I'm moving on, yeah right. As if throwing and erasing away 4 years is so damn easy. Every once in a while when I THINK that I'm doing well and moving on, one little gesture or word would bring me rushing back to the comfort of the 4 years I've known. Arghh!! Why is it so damn hard. I hate myself for being so stupid.

I AM NOT PERFECT.
I've told you from Day 1. Nobody is perfect. I have my own faults and flaws that I'm not proud of. Damn. If I were perfect, I would have been an angel instead of a human being. *sigh*

Dangling, dangling, dangling...
That's not good for a girl. Don't keep a girl dangling for long. It will ruin her self esteem. Open up your eyes and see ok? She's been through a lot and still she's here. Doesn't that says something? And when times are bad, she go through a lot to keep you interested. Little things like hair cuts, new scents, new dressing ... Yet, nothing. Self-esteem? Down to the drain.

See, see, see! This is what I mean. Who is this? Since when have I become this ... this selfish green-eye freak?!

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

Used to LOVE that quote back in High School. But now when I think of it, what if they return and you're with someone new? So does that mean that we should wait for them to return? How long should we wait? Til we die??? Is it worth the wait???
Yes I know, I think too much. *sigh*

I AM LETTING YOU GO NOW.
I understand now. It's better for the both of us. Look at the freak I've become. I can never trust you fully anymore. Always, always living in fear wondering whether you're telling the truth or just lying straight to my face?

Things used to be so beautiful. But you said, the past is the past. We can never go back and relive the past. *sigh*
Where did I go wrong?
WHAT did I do wrong?



Just a random song that's screaming through my head right now.
Arghhh!!! WHADDAYA WANT FROM ME?
Stupid stupid stupid tears. Go away. Stop falling from my tired eyes.
Go and bully some one else. I'm sick and tired of being weak. I'm sick and tired of pretending that I'm some kind of Superwomen that can do anything. Well, Superwomen also have needs and wants ok? Superwomen also have feelings. Superwomen also needs some pampering. And once in awhile, Superwomen needs to be saved too.

Enough nonsense ranting for one night. Bye. I'm off to my fairytale again where everything is picture perfect and there's not a single worry at all.

Mein Honigbienchen
For better or worse, I got you.
I won't forget.

p/s: This post may sound angry. But I'm actually crying. Never mind.. The sun will come out tomorrow ...

Let It Be ... ...

Mein Honigbienchen,

Things have been tough for you these couple of weeks. I can understand what you are going through. Don't forget, I've been through that to, maybe worse, but the past is the past. I don't want to point faults at anyone. I guess some of your current problems were caused by me too. I'm sorry that I have not been more supportive. I'm sorry that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass. But I am learning to be better. And a person does not change overnight. Thank you for opening my eyes.

And now, I can only hope that you will be strong Honigbienchen. I've known you for almost 5 years now and in these few months, I see you're not being yourself. You've somehow have more patience. You've learn to compromise. You've admit mistakes even when it is not your fault. You've somehow became someone else ... And I can see that it's tiring you. Move on mein honigbienchen. Like what you've said, enough is enough ... You'll be fine soon. It will be hard but slowly you'll heal. If you need a friend to talk to, do know that I'm always here for you. Don't keep all your problems to yourself..

Move on honigbienchen. Maybe she doesn't love you enough to hear your explanation and admit her mistakes. You've done your part. I'm sorry that it did not work out as you've hoped. But you'll find someone better one day. Just be wiser this time and don't fall so fast. Stop and listen to your heart once in awhile. For sometimes, they whisper.

I better go now. By the way, this song is for you.

Remember,
"And when you need a place to run to, For better or worse, I got you."

Guilty as charged ...

Hello.

Just got back from Parkson. My feet are aching and my purse is lighter. But I had a great day. Watched Clash of the Titans and did some shopping. :)

But the good feelings ended when I got back. Now I'm feeling really, really guilty. Because in the midst of my happiness, I didn't realized that I've caused some one else to be sad. *sigh* Things were not the same as before and I should have thought but the piority first. I am not the piority now. I've forgotten. *sigh*

I guess next time I should thing about what others feel before I think of my own ... 10 hours of happiness, evaporated in 5 minutes ... Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Right now all that I can think of is how could I have been so thoughtless? *sigh*

Anyway ... I forgot to mentioned. I've got my wish from Santa. I have a little white puppy now. But he is not fluffy.


Hi! My name is Ollie.

:)

:: Du bist meine Liebe :: 30 March 2010 ::

I couldn't sleep last nite after my last post. And when I finally fell asleep, woke up at arun 5am. *sigh* Today is going to be another day. But hey, don't worry. I can still smile. I'm smiling right now. No worries. All is well.

Let me share with you all a quote I found yesterday evening ...


"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smiles at you."


Nice right? I really can relate to this.
*sigh*

Warum bist du nur nicht bei mir?
Kein großes Geheimnis wie sehr ich dich liebe!
Ich liebe dich mein Honigbienchen.

:)

I suddenly have an obsession for finding endearments terms in different languages. Haha. Don't know of what I translate is correct or not ... :PP

Wait wait wait! I found this translation somewhere on the internet. Loving it.

"Dass Liebe, die aus Trümmern auferstand,
Reicher als einst an Größe ist und Kraft!"

It's translated from Shakespeare. It means :
"And ruin'd love, when it is built anew,
Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater."

Haha. Nice meaning right?

Sorry this post does not make any senses. Guess it's just a way for me to cheer myself and try to forget the sadness.

Moving on ...

Cada día te quiero más que ayer y menos que mañana.
Te quiero con todo mi corazón.
Me haces feliz.

:)

Ok, that's enough for one day.

Con amor,

Shattered Dreams

I've just discovered something that broke my heart even more. I never knew it could still break into smaller pieces.

WTF!!!!!!!!

I can't say what it's about. But this discovery had really really really hurt me. More than anything else that I've gone thru these few years.

How could you? How could you even thought of doing that?

I don't even know how to talk myself thru this. There's no more happy thoughts or blessings to think of. This discovery had driven it all away ... ...

Thank you so so so so much ..

To catch a falling star indeed. Impossible.

Gudnite.

To Catch a Falling Star

Hello.

Sorry bout the last 2 post. Been feeling really down. As if someone placed my whole life into a washing machine and forgot to switch off the spinner. :(

I've been thinking a lot these past few days. And not just the usually thinking that I do. I realized something important. It's useless to keep on crying. Waste of time and energy. And it doesn't help to make you feel better. You'd just end up feeling much worse. Self-pitying is really really painful. Believe me. And you won't get what you want either by crying your eyes out. And so for these few days, I've forced myself to stop crying. It was hard, real damn hard coz the hurt and pain is still there. But the trick that I've learn was to count your blessings and forget what you don't have. :)

Forgive and forget. That's what I'm trying to do right now. These things are easier said than done. *sigh* But I'm doing it. Trying hard to forgive and forget.

The title for this post sounds so random. But this few days, the lines "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away" kept on repeating in my head. How irony this is for me. Coz, I'm a person that tends to find comfort thru songs' lyrics. So at this period of my life, to have those lines repeating in my head is like telling me that it's impossible to go on. How can you catch a falling star? Silly huh? Yeah, I think too much ...

But it's ok. Bit by bit, day by day I'm learning to let go and move on. Hopefully the pain will be gone soon.

Ok. Time to stop now. Have to go and search for academic journals for my CIB assignment. :S In the meantime, I should put my Happy Face back on and smile for the whole world to see. I'll be fine. :D

Smiling away like a maniac,

Will the tears ever stop?

Stupid me.
Stupid life.
Stupid reality.
Stupid world.

I'm tired. So very tired. In a few weeks I felt as if I've aged 10 years. I've given up the will to keep on trying. Lost the sense to keep on fighting for what I want. What's the use? I've been struggling for 2 years, believing that one day it will be better. And look at the situation I'm in right now ... Broken and alone.

No matter how hard I try to encourage myself to not give up, it's hard. So damn hard. What's the use now? Why did I ever bothered for these 2 years? If this is what a girl gets, fighting for her love, than I'd rather never love again.

Spent almost every night crying. I'm tired of crying. Tired of hoping. Tired of trying. I wanna stop. But this little heart of mine is very obstinate. It keeps on abusing itself even though my mind keeps on advising it to stop ... Queer little thing. When will you ever learn little heart of mine?

Why am I so weak? Why am I so stupid?

Take me away, into a fairytale ... I'm tired of this cruel heartless world ...

Stupid, stupid, stupid ...

Stupid internet connection. My house has no internet connection. The Wireless provided is useless. Tried using Celcom Broadband, also useless. Thinking bout installing Streamyx. Can I? It's the uni's house. Hurm .. If no internet, how to do work? I feel as if I'm living in a cave. Grrr ..

These past few weeks felt like shit. I'm tired, I'm sad.
*sigh*
For the first time ever since entering my Uni, I felt homesick. Really, really, really homesick. And I'm gonna be 24 this year! Still homesick. I miss my Mummy ... :'(

Btw, I've changed my major. So long Finance. Good riddance. Should have gotten rid of you a long time ago. Now I'm doing Marketing & Management. So far, so good. But it's only Week 2.

Lately, my mind has been filled with What If questions ... Not a good thing.

And this song is the stupid song that made me cry.



I'm talking nonsense, I know ...
I'm sorry.
Next post will be better, I promise.

Hoping for more rains,