Guilty as charged ...

Hello.

Just got back from Parkson. My feet are aching and my purse is lighter. But I had a great day. Watched Clash of the Titans and did some shopping. :)

But the good feelings ended when I got back. Now I'm feeling really, really guilty. Because in the midst of my happiness, I didn't realized that I've caused some one else to be sad. *sigh* Things were not the same as before and I should have thought but the piority first. I am not the piority now. I've forgotten. *sigh*

I guess next time I should thing about what others feel before I think of my own ... 10 hours of happiness, evaporated in 5 minutes ... Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Right now all that I can think of is how could I have been so thoughtless? *sigh*

Anyway ... I forgot to mentioned. I've got my wish from Santa. I have a little white puppy now. But he is not fluffy.


Hi! My name is Ollie.

:)

:: Du bist meine Liebe :: 30 March 2010 ::

I couldn't sleep last nite after my last post. And when I finally fell asleep, woke up at arun 5am. *sigh* Today is going to be another day. But hey, don't worry. I can still smile. I'm smiling right now. No worries. All is well.

Let me share with you all a quote I found yesterday evening ...


"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smiles at you."


Nice right? I really can relate to this.
*sigh*

Warum bist du nur nicht bei mir?
Kein großes Geheimnis wie sehr ich dich liebe!
Ich liebe dich mein Honigbienchen.

:)

I suddenly have an obsession for finding endearments terms in different languages. Haha. Don't know of what I translate is correct or not ... :PP

Wait wait wait! I found this translation somewhere on the internet. Loving it.

"Dass Liebe, die aus Trümmern auferstand,
Reicher als einst an Größe ist und Kraft!"

It's translated from Shakespeare. It means :
"And ruin'd love, when it is built anew,
Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater."

Haha. Nice meaning right?

Sorry this post does not make any senses. Guess it's just a way for me to cheer myself and try to forget the sadness.

Moving on ...

Cada día te quiero más que ayer y menos que mañana.
Te quiero con todo mi corazón.
Me haces feliz.

:)

Ok, that's enough for one day.

Con amor,

Shattered Dreams

I've just discovered something that broke my heart even more. I never knew it could still break into smaller pieces.

WTF!!!!!!!!

I can't say what it's about. But this discovery had really really really hurt me. More than anything else that I've gone thru these few years.

How could you? How could you even thought of doing that?

I don't even know how to talk myself thru this. There's no more happy thoughts or blessings to think of. This discovery had driven it all away ... ...

Thank you so so so so much ..

To catch a falling star indeed. Impossible.

Gudnite.

To Catch a Falling Star

Hello.

Sorry bout the last 2 post. Been feeling really down. As if someone placed my whole life into a washing machine and forgot to switch off the spinner. :(

I've been thinking a lot these past few days. And not just the usually thinking that I do. I realized something important. It's useless to keep on crying. Waste of time and energy. And it doesn't help to make you feel better. You'd just end up feeling much worse. Self-pitying is really really painful. Believe me. And you won't get what you want either by crying your eyes out. And so for these few days, I've forced myself to stop crying. It was hard, real damn hard coz the hurt and pain is still there. But the trick that I've learn was to count your blessings and forget what you don't have. :)

Forgive and forget. That's what I'm trying to do right now. These things are easier said than done. *sigh* But I'm doing it. Trying hard to forgive and forget.

The title for this post sounds so random. But this few days, the lines "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away" kept on repeating in my head. How irony this is for me. Coz, I'm a person that tends to find comfort thru songs' lyrics. So at this period of my life, to have those lines repeating in my head is like telling me that it's impossible to go on. How can you catch a falling star? Silly huh? Yeah, I think too much ...

But it's ok. Bit by bit, day by day I'm learning to let go and move on. Hopefully the pain will be gone soon.

Ok. Time to stop now. Have to go and search for academic journals for my CIB assignment. :S In the meantime, I should put my Happy Face back on and smile for the whole world to see. I'll be fine. :D

Smiling away like a maniac,

Will the tears ever stop?

Stupid me.
Stupid life.
Stupid reality.
Stupid world.

I'm tired. So very tired. In a few weeks I felt as if I've aged 10 years. I've given up the will to keep on trying. Lost the sense to keep on fighting for what I want. What's the use? I've been struggling for 2 years, believing that one day it will be better. And look at the situation I'm in right now ... Broken and alone.

No matter how hard I try to encourage myself to not give up, it's hard. So damn hard. What's the use now? Why did I ever bothered for these 2 years? If this is what a girl gets, fighting for her love, than I'd rather never love again.

Spent almost every night crying. I'm tired of crying. Tired of hoping. Tired of trying. I wanna stop. But this little heart of mine is very obstinate. It keeps on abusing itself even though my mind keeps on advising it to stop ... Queer little thing. When will you ever learn little heart of mine?

Why am I so weak? Why am I so stupid?

Take me away, into a fairytale ... I'm tired of this cruel heartless world ...

Stupid, stupid, stupid ...

Stupid internet connection. My house has no internet connection. The Wireless provided is useless. Tried using Celcom Broadband, also useless. Thinking bout installing Streamyx. Can I? It's the uni's house. Hurm .. If no internet, how to do work? I feel as if I'm living in a cave. Grrr ..

These past few weeks felt like shit. I'm tired, I'm sad.
*sigh*
For the first time ever since entering my Uni, I felt homesick. Really, really, really homesick. And I'm gonna be 24 this year! Still homesick. I miss my Mummy ... :'(

Btw, I've changed my major. So long Finance. Good riddance. Should have gotten rid of you a long time ago. Now I'm doing Marketing & Management. So far, so good. But it's only Week 2.

Lately, my mind has been filled with What If questions ... Not a good thing.

And this song is the stupid song that made me cry.



I'm talking nonsense, I know ...
I'm sorry.
Next post will be better, I promise.

Hoping for more rains,

Empty words ...

What ever happen to all the promises that you made to me?

Where is the "Forever the one and only"?

Where has "I'd never let you go" disappeared to?

Where has "Life would be meaningless without you" gone to?


Lies. Every single one of them.
False hopes. All of them.


And now, there you are. As happy as life can be.
Smiling. Laughing. Loving.



You said "I'll take you back."
But I closed the door
Cause I don't want
10000 more


*sobsob*

What a lie

Procrastinate

One of my bad habit that I would very much like to cure. Procrastinate. Had this habit ever since I was a lil girl. My mum would always be yelling at me too clean up my toys or books. And my answers would always be, "Later" or "After this".

Actually, I was supposed to be packing my stuffs into boxes right now. 'Cause I need to move all my stuffs back into my 5046-2 room by 12 Feb. But since I'll be leaving Miri on the 11th, I have to move my stuffs earlier. But in the end, what did I do? Went on9 and read a book up til now. Not a single thing is packed yet. PROCRASTINATE AGAIN!!

Oh well, I'll just pack in the morning. I'll just chuck everything into the suitcase and boxes. Don't have to be neat anyway 'cause I'll be unpacking again when I'm back in 5046. *sigh* So troublesome ..

Btw, this song has been stuck in my head since Saturday. I like the music. Been searching for the name of this song for quite awhile. Hehe.



Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Well, I'm off to bed now. Have to wake up early to 'pack' my stuffs.

Bye for now,

Go ahead and laugh

A drunk girl's attempt in sending a sms.

"Baby. Ne u pdh nag.lmk tmetj.k. Nak nak 4g megtrne u al tkktndat xda gkt blt ambkpe.kv.meda. I dunno wat.m sayrohm. I lv u. Truly."


Does that make any sense?

=.="

Lesson?
Dun drink and text.

*shaking head*

Love is in the air

It's February.

The Month of Love.

Go on and spread some love,


p.s: Sorry for a short post. Been having issues in my life and not in my writing mood. Will write more when I'm better.