Hold on to it :)

This has always been one of my favourite song from Avril. Only recently  then I can connect her song with how my life is now. 

Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is OK

The first time in my life and now it's so great

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

This innocence is brilliant

I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect

Please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear

The first time in my life and now it's so clear

Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant

Makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliance

Please don't go away

Cause I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

[Chorus]

xoxoxo

Reposting

Hello loves.

Reading back on whatever nonsense I wrote on my blog and found this quote I posted up. Fits pefectly in my life situation now, especially after what I blabbed about few post earlier on. 

It's a quote by Nicholas Sparks from his book, The Rescue. 

"People come, people go - they'll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favourite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."

There's a new important character in my life now.

:)

xoxoxo

Sniffles :(

Yes that's right. 

Yours truly has the sniffles. During final exam week. Great huh?

Wifi is back. So I am typing out this post on the lappie. Can't study any more, this nose is killing me. And my mind is distracted.

Been reading back on what I've posted on this nonsense blog of mine for the past few years. Ohemgee. Has it been that bad? Have I always been crying? Was it so hard to move on? Has it really been that complicated?

Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes.

But no, I don't regret anything. If I were given the chance to turn back time and change something, I won't change anything. Why? Because the past had taught me a lot. Because all the heartache I went through, eventually lead me to someone. Unexpectedly.

The last one month has been blissful. Yes, friends all say that these early periods are just the honeymoon stages. Heck, been there and done that before with the previous relationship. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time, it will last. 

I really never expected that things will turn out this way. What were only meant to be just an attraction, turned out to be all this. There are many times I'll catch myself smiling for no particular reasons. It hasn't been easy. There were always doubts. Doubts in myself, in him, in what is happening around me. Because everything that has happened were really unexpected. And I doubt myself for feeling this strong of attraction, even on the first night of meeting him. Told myself, nah... Couldn't be. Besides, what are the chances of meeting up again and becoming more than just acquaintances?

But then, hey. Back in Curtin and things turned out differently. From acquaintances to friends. Oh my, the attraction? Ever so much harder to ignore. It was when I'd suddenly realize that I smile to myself myself whenever I receive text messages from him or knowing that there would be a chance of meeting up with him, then I realized that this was no longer attraction. But I couldn't bring myself to admit it, even to myself. Denial. 

Besides, keep telling myself over and over again that this cannot be. My feelings were for another. Was it not so? Confusion. Doubts. Denial. 

And so, how did it all end up this way?

Believe me, took me quite some time to be sure of myself. Because I realized it wouldn't be fair for him and it would kill me to hurt such a guy if I were to make the wrong decision. The number of advises that close friends gave and the amount of time spent on pondering. In the end, I came to the decision of just doing what makes me happy. Because what makes me happy should be the right choice. Besides, an advise that one of my close friend (who is also my house mate) told me made me realized something. 

So here we are. A month has past. So far, everything has been just fine. Keeping my fingers crossed, really really tightly.

This is why I haven't been posting anything during the month of April. Been caught up with the whirlwind of everything happening. Even for May. 

So, the past would just stay in the past. The feelings, stay there. The lessons, always with me. 

Thank you ❤. For always not wanting to care much about my past. 

The past shapes the person we are today. But its the present and the future that's important.

*fingerscrossed!*

xoxoxo

依然爱你?

This is unexpected.

Before I go on with this post, I'd like to share a quote I read few weeks ago.

"Your absence has been too long, that your presence doesn't matter anymore."

Yeah. Exactly what I wanna talk about.

I never thought it would come to this. I never thought there could/might be a different future with someone different other than you. But the sad thing is, it will and is happening right now. You're so confusing, and I guess you always will. I'll never truly understand what is it you actually want from me, from us (if there ever was an us in your head). Motivation or Distraction? You chose to stay away, to stay quiet. Ignoring me or anything about me. I guess you have your own reasons. 

You always told me to let things be.

"Time will tell."

And time has shown me.

Time has shown me that we were never meant to be.

You will never be anything more to me than just a tiny feeling that I'd keep away at the corner of my heart. 

Time has shown me that there's another who is not afraid to show his effort no matter how busy or tired he is. And as time passes, time has shown me that I am not attracted to this guy, I'm actually falling in love. 

Then what was the feeling I had for you before time showed me my real feelings? I'm guessing, it's more to the sense of nostalgia... 

How you are always able to remind how I was before and made that character reappear after all the drama I've been through, maybe I was just holding on to that. 

I am not sure....

But what I am sure, its goodbye.

Sorry we never got the chance to develop further into a different type of relationship. 

Letting go for the third time.

Sucks real bad.

But hey, thats life.

"Time will tell."

It has.

What does a smile means?

So what is a smile?

A smile is a facial expression that we use to express feelings of being happy, pleased, and every other blissful feelings we have. In short, it is known as the silent laughter.

But then, is that the only meaning of a smile now days?
I don't think so...

Now days, a smile has many different meanings.
Although still mainly used to show happiness, people now uses smile to cover up their embaressment or shyness. For example, when meeting some one new and you're feelung a bit awkward. What should you do so that the other person does not feel awkward too and thinks bad about you? Why, you smile.

:)

What else?
A smile is also used to hide away what you're really feeling inside.
This type of smile has been perfected by all those heartbroken girls.
Sad and empty inside, but to tired of answering the people around them. So they put on a brave smile and hope it is convincing enough.

What else?

There are so much more. But this girl has to stop and continue on her assignment which is due tomorrow at 5pm. Another 700 words to go.

Before I sign off, here's a recent picture of me.
SMILING.

What type of smile is that?

=) 

xoxoxo

I Won't Forget

I don't have to say much.

This song says it all..

Aoyama Thelma - Wasurenai Yo (I Won't Forget)

Translations

Can I still believe in you? 
Even though it's difficult I'd want to believe, mmm
I'm sure this is love
It is something lasting 
As you were the first person who taught me

I'm not saying it's a promise 
It's not a promise
Because words are just vague right?
It's more simple 
To be loved
I'm just delighted

I'll be waiting, 
I won't forget, I won't forget
That's why today as normal
I will be waiting just like that day
Even though I feel lonely I'm fine
How you said "welcome back"
And embraced me 
It's as if I hear
The beat of your warm chest
Missing you

Nothing changed everything were still normal
Only you were gone
The rest surrounding us, story were gone
The city that's in my eyes is foreign

I'm not saying it's a promise 
It's not a promise
As it won't change and I will just be hurt right? I'm sure 
I have no special instincts nor anxious feelings
I just want to see you

I'll be waiting 
Whatever happens, whatever happens it's something I always want to remember
that's why It's something I'll always keep saying
The comfort I felt when you said "Welcome Back" and when you embraced me still remains
missing you 

(I'm not saying it's a promise) no it's not 
(but I still believe) I believe, I believe, I believe 
(it's not something like a promise) Even though it's not a promise 
But I just want to see you

I'll be waiting, 
I won't forget, I won't forget
That's why today as normal
I will be waiting just like that day
Even though I feel lonely I'm fine
How you said "welcome back"
And embraced me 
It's as if I hear
The beat of your warm chest
Missing you

Whatever happens, whatever happens it's something I'll always want to remember
That's why I'll always keep saying
The comfort I felt when you said "welcome back" and embraced me
Still remains 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ただ逢いたいから 

xoxoxo

Distraction or Motivation

This is a long overdue post.

Been thinking about this for quite some time now.

But never could find the right ways to put it into words.

I guess what triggered me to write this post was because I dreamt of you again. But this time, it was during my short nap after my morning class.

You're in my mind. Not only today, but you've always been there. Every single waking moments, you there. Even when I am laughing with my friends, taking notes in class, talking nonsense with my besties or even jogging along the beach.. You are there, at the back of my mind. 

I don't like it.

I think the main reason I am like this is because I am afraid. Because truthfully, I've never been able to imagine my future with anyone else but you. Yes there has been past relationships and crushes. But you've always been there, in that one corner of my heart.

Why did you go and tell me such things last December? I was doing fine, keeping you safe and sound in that little corner of my heart while I go on with life, mixing around and meeting new people. Those once in a blue moon calls or texts from you was enough. When you starting giving me mixed signals, I was able to laugh it off and convinced myself that you were just being a very concerned close friend. All because I don't want us to drift apart again. But then you just had to go and break down my walls again by saying the big L word to me. As if the L word wasn't enough, you brought up the M word too. And now, where are we?

Those once in a blue moon calls and texts are not enough anymore. I wanna hear from you, everyday! Those mixed signals you give me, I can't shake them off so easily anymore. It confuses me and makes me uncomfortable. Meeting you only once a sem is not enough anymore. I wanna see you more frequently.

You told me that all these while you stayed away from me because you were afraid that you might be a distraction. You were afraid that I would not focus all of my attention into my studies. But then, why do you prefer to stay away in fear of being a distraction? When you could have just stayed and be my motivation? Wouldn't being a motivation be so much better?

I miss you, too damn much that it hurts.
But I am afraid to tell you.
Coz I know it will push you further away than you are now.

fml

xoxoxo

Talking to the moon?

Miri's view of the moon tonight is breathtaking.

Makes me miss someone.

Because the moon reminds me of a song.

Bruno Mars - Talking To The Moon

Bruno Mars' songs reminds me of HIM.

So I extra miss that person tonight.

Goodnight.

xoxoxo

New lullaby

I've always had trouble in sleeping sometimes.

I think it's obvious from the times of my posts.

And I think I've said it many times too.

I just can't sleep sometimes.

So usually I'll listen to soft songs or musical instruments as my lullaby.

I actually have a playlists of songs that are my lullabies.

That playlist of mine contains lots of Yiruma's music.

Love love love Yiruma.

Trying my best to play one of his piece, "River Flows In You."

My cousins can play it on the piano now.

I've just started trying.

Slow progress coz my fingers are stiff from not playing on the piano for a long time.

And I do not always have access to a piano.

Anyway, this is a song that a friend of mine introduced.

The first time I heard it, straight away into my Lullaby Playlist.

I love the melody and also the lyrics.

It's Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars.

Safe and Sound

I remember tears streaming down your face

When I said "I'll never let you go"

When all those shadows almost killed your light

I remember you said "Don't leave me here alone"

But all that's dead and gone and past tonight

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window

Darling everything's on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

Hold on to this lullaby

Even when the music's gone

Gone

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

[INSTRUMENTAL]

Just close your eyes

You'll be alright

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Sleep tight loves.

Stay safe and sound.

xoxoxo

Big Bang Fever

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

Throughout the day, I've been patiently waiting for the stroke of midnight.

Why, you ask?

I am patiently waiting for the release of Big Bang's new MV

Friends of mine in FB surely must be tired of me already. 

I think I've spammed their recent news timeline with enough pictures and videos of Big Bang.

Especially Dong Youngbae, or better known by his stage name of Taeyang.

Bwahahaha! 

Yeah, I am a fan of Big Bang.

My apologies to all my non KPop fan friends on FB (and also on Twitter).

But their voice, compared to other Kpop bands, waayyyy better.

My apologies again to non Big Bang fans.

But how can you resist the rapping skills of G.Dragon?

How can you resist TOP's deep voice?

How can you ever resist Taeyang's dance skills?

How can you resist Seungri's voice?

How can you resist Daesung's fun personality?

How on earth can you resist BIG BANG???

Yeah, Big Bang fever.

Ok bye!

I think the MV is already released.

"Wow, Fanstatic baby."

*screamslikehighschoolgirl*

xoxoxoxo