This is a long overdue post.
Been thinking about this for quite some time now.
But never could find the right ways to put it into words.
I guess what triggered me to write this post was because I dreamt of you again. But this time, it was during my short nap after my morning class.
You're in my mind. Not only today, but you've always been there. Every single waking moments, you there. Even when I am laughing with my friends, taking notes in class, talking nonsense with my besties or even jogging along the beach.. You are there, at the back of my mind.
I don't like it.
I think the main reason I am like this is because I am afraid. Because truthfully, I've never been able to imagine my future with anyone else but you. Yes there has been past relationships and crushes. But you've always been there, in that one corner of my heart.
Why did you go and tell me such things last December? I was doing fine, keeping you safe and sound in that little corner of my heart while I go on with life, mixing around and meeting new people. Those once in a blue moon calls or texts from you was enough. When you starting giving me mixed signals, I was able to laugh it off and convinced myself that you were just being a very concerned close friend. All because I don't want us to drift apart again. But then you just had to go and break down my walls again by saying the big L word to me. As if the L word wasn't enough, you brought up the M word too. And now, where are we?
Those once in a blue moon calls and texts are not enough anymore. I wanna hear from you, everyday! Those mixed signals you give me, I can't shake them off so easily anymore. It confuses me and makes me uncomfortable. Meeting you only once a sem is not enough anymore. I wanna see you more frequently.
You told me that all these while you stayed away from me because you were afraid that you might be a distraction. You were afraid that I would not focus all of my attention into my studies. But then, why do you prefer to stay away in fear of being a distraction? When you could have just stayed and be my motivation? Wouldn't being a motivation be so much better?
I miss you, too damn much that it hurts.
But I am afraid to tell you.
Coz I know it will push you further away than you are now.
fml
xoxoxo
Why did you go and tell me such things last December? I was doing fine, keeping you safe and sound in that little corner of my heart while I go on with life, mixing around and meeting new people. Those once in a blue moon calls or texts from you was enough. When you starting giving me mixed signals, I was able to laugh it off and convinced myself that you were just being a very concerned close friend. All because I don't want us to drift apart again. But then you just had to go and break down my walls again by saying the big L word to me. As if the L word wasn't enough, you brought up the M word too. And now, where are we?
Those once in a blue moon calls and texts are not enough anymore. I wanna hear from you, everyday! Those mixed signals you give me, I can't shake them off so easily anymore. It confuses me and makes me uncomfortable. Meeting you only once a sem is not enough anymore. I wanna see you more frequently.
You told me that all these while you stayed away from me because you were afraid that you might be a distraction. You were afraid that I would not focus all of my attention into my studies. But then, why do you prefer to stay away in fear of being a distraction? When you could have just stayed and be my motivation? Wouldn't being a motivation be so much better?
I miss you, too damn much that it hurts.
But I am afraid to tell you.
Coz I know it will push you further away than you are now.
fml
xoxoxo
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