A short post

Okay okay okay! I know its past midnight and I should be asleep by now. But the problem is, I accidently fell asleep around 6pm and only woke up at 8.30pm. (¡_¡) Besides, it's always at times like this when I get the most ideas on what to write.

But, I've said earlier on in the tittle itself that this will be a short post. I am curently into the vintage bag craze. Since I saw a shop full with those cute bags in Kuching somewhere around Dec last year. But I missed out the opportunity to get myself one. Really felt bummed out. Until I found bags like those I saw back in Dec in a boutique in one of Miri's shopping mall. Yeah! So I got myself a bag (thanks to my generous lil sis who sponsered me) and I was happy.

Then! Just a while ago, my bestie's cousin (who's like family already to me) called and told me she bought a vintage bag for her sis but the sis already has one with d same colour. So she asked me whether I want the bag. Like HELL YEAH!! Hahaha.

So now I am more than happy. ;)

Ok that's all. Need to go to sleep 'coz I have to wake up early later. Breaskfast with darling bestie. At 8! Haha.

xoxo



p/s. I'm gonna have a new dress as well. N knowing this gal, she always chooses dresses that are cute and suits my taste. :)

April already?!

April. Wow. Why is time passing by so fast?! I'm not even having a good time. Or maybe I am, without realizing it. Hmmm... Is doing assignments and tutorial questions considered as having a good time?? Haha.

I know, I know... Even with wifi 24/7 at home I'm still not writing regularly. I dunno. There's nothing much to say now anyway. Hmmm... Lemme think first what has happened recently in my life.

**thinking**

Okay. Last night I felt relieved. After telling what was really happening to a friend of mine. But I felt a bit bad too for telling her what our friend was going through bcoz I know she has a soft and caring heart. The story I told might her sad and worried. And that was just the summary! But still, felt relieved.

I'm supposed to be tidying up my room now because the landlady will be coming. My air-con socket seems to be having problem. So she's coming over to check. Feeling a bit nervous 'coz I've never met her. Hehe.

Ow! I bought wall stickers to decorate my room a bit. There's a lotof space in my new room and my hand itches to do something artsy on the walls. So far there's 2 spot where I've covered with wall stickers. Still thinking what to do next. Maybe cover it with more wall stickers and try to create a story out of them. Haha.

And for the last 2 night I dreamt of the past. I dunno why the past suddenly decided to come back and haunt my dreams 'coz I've been doing okay. I mean, sure there are a part of me thats still a bit sad over what had happened but I'm not letting that sad part of me take over my life like it used to. But those dreams, makes me sad when I wake up. But its okay. 'Coz later on during the day, I'll just focus on something else and be happy again. ;)

What else? What else? Yesterday had salmon for lunch at Sanga Japanese Restaurant. But I forgot to take a pic coz I was too hungry. Haha.

Maybe I can stop now? Coz I'm out of ideas. Will write again soon.

xoxo

If I Could Have Just One Kiss?

Haha. Watsup wif d tittle? It's a line from a song thats been stuck in my head for almost a week now. Just One Kiss by Nick Carter. Oh? Heard a snigger there. Yes, I'm a Nick Carter fan. Been a fan since 1997. Hush! Haha.

Right now, I'm suppose to be typing my 2000 word essay. But I don't have the motivatiin and I don't have any idea how to start. Waiting for the 'feel' to come. Then I can start. Haha. So until the 'feel' comes, lemme waste some time doing nothing. **procastinating** :)

Lately, I dunno why but I feel trapped. Dunno what more suitable words to use. Sorry Mr.Bestie if my answer was not the one you wanted to hear. But after a 5yr relationship, not including the time I took to completely let go and move, I wanna be free. I wanna enjoy being single. Haha. I cannot describe the incredible feelings i feel now when my heart has finally moved on. I fly like I could soar! *exaggerate* Haha. But really, I can't find the right word to describe. I'm just so very happy. So I wanna savour this feeling. I don't wanna get tied up so soon. Luciky the Bestie understands. Heck, more than understands! He gave me advises some more! <- direct translation. My dad will kill me if he finds out I'm writing sentences thus way. Anyway, he really is a sweet guy. But I dunno.. I don't have that butterfly in ur tummies feelings with him. *sigh* Besides, even though we've known each other for like 12 years ... People changes. Believe me, I've changed. In High School, I was this noisy girl that laughs out loudly and swear excessively. Haha. Look at me now. I've grown up. And this is who I am now, not the loud noisy girl from High School. And I'm afraid, its dat loud noisy girl he's looking for. Well she's still here, somewhere deep inside. But there a sensitivepart of me over that noisy girl now. Heartache and experience really changed me. :) So, even with 12 years of friendship, Mr.Bestie doesn't know me well enough yet. And sadly, I sometimes get annoyed. So to save whatever friendship I have left, that was the best answer I could give.

Btw, my lil bro will be studying in Miri now. Starts on Monday. Hope he will be better. :)

Now, I better go back to staring at my lappie screen. *sigh*

p.s : I dunno why but suddenly there's A LOT of cute guys when I walk around campus. Haha.

xoxo

Wifi @home :)

Yeah! Finally got streamyx at home. :) Dat means more updates for my poor negleceted bloggie. Haha. Wait~ I should have said "Can search articles & journals for my assignments!" instead of updates. Haha. Temptations, must resist.

3rd week. So far so good. Spent most of my times in between class being a nerd in the library. Because, I'm too lazy to walk 5mins to n fro my house and the bus stop at 12noon. Freaking hot! Except today, rained buckets and buckets. Sigh. Luckily managed to get to the bus stop without getting myself too wet.

What else to talk about hm? Is it because I'm feeling content now so I don't have much too share? Haha. I hope not. I miss baking la. If only my current house has a mini stove for me to do bakings.. But I guess we can't have everything right? Haha.

Before I forget, thank you Mr.Bestie for always making me smile. Eventhough you do it in a strange way which I guess other people won't understand. :)

And thank you God for the little things that you've shown what me n my heart are capable of. :)

*sigh*

Why? Why? Why?

If this is anothet test that You're placing before me, I pray that You would also provide me with the strength and patience to endure this. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I love them both very much coz they are my parents. Each plays an important role in my life. But to see them like this, it hurts me so much more than they realize. So, so much more.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I just hope I would be able to understand why this is happening. To me, to my family.

What should I do now?

:'(

24/7, My Heaven

Ignore the tittle. It's just lyrics frm a song that's stuck in my head. :) I'm back in Miri. Bit homesick but hey, what do you expect after you've been pampered for 3 months. Haha.

So far, after the sad incident in December, I'm ok. In fact I myself find it hard to believe but I think I've let go. :) There's some one who cares for me and makes sure that I'm not sad. Haha. I remember writing in a post once that I dun like the person I've becomed. That I would not feel proud of myself if I were to meet up with my friends from High School. But now, I can say that I've found the person that I used to be. Before the heartaches, the jealousy, the pretennds and the cryings. I've found the happy me that I used to be. Thanks to a very close friend of mine. God certainly did answer my prayers by sending back into my life. :)

So, 2011. I am now more confident to face whatever you throw at me. :)

Starting all over again..

So.. Where to start? How to start? I guess the first step to take is to forgive myself snd just let go. We cannot change the past.. That's what I tell myself anyway. Haha.

I've been working. It may be tiring but in a way I feel as it's a blessing. At least when I'm busy, my mind won't wander off and think of the bad things that has happened. And at night, I'd be so tired that I'll fal asleep straight away. So, believe it or not... I'm good. :))

2011.. May this year bring better memories. Although 2010 has been a hell of a year for me, I'm thankful for 2010. That year has taught me to be strong and has also shown me what I'm capable of. Heart-broken as I may have been, I'm glad of the lessons I've learnt. :)

Besides, not all of 2010 is bad... I got a really cool present from my dad for my bday. Haha.

So thanks 2010.. 2011, I'm ready for whatever challenges you throw at me!

Cheers everyone. Have a Happy 2011. :)

My December

Last week, I listened to an old CD of mine by Linkin Park. Heard the song My December. And the lyrics, really says what I'm feeling in this December..

December has always been my favourite month. Christmas!! Birthday!! Holidays!! Yes, I love December. That is why my favourite number has always been 12.

But this year, I feel a bit lonely in December.
12/12
My favourite date of the year. My oh so perfect dream date.
This year, I dread that date.
:'(

----------------------------------------------------------

My December



Lyrics:

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things that I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things that I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things that I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

----------------------------------------------------------

Wish 2010 would faster end...

:'(

Guess guess guess?

People always say that a picture says a thousand words.

What does this picture says?

:)

Nitey-nite.

Spontaneous? Huh.

What did I do to deserve all this?

For the few past years, I've been trying to move on, forgive and forget. I've made very little progress so far. But when someone from my past re-appeared into my life, he helped the process become lighter. With all the turmoil going on in my life, he helped me believed that I will get better and that I will finally be able to let go.

See, I used to have a crush on this person. He re-appeared during the moments when I felt so beaten up. Tired of everything, tired of pretending. I was dying inside wile on the outside I put on my happy face. I was miserable. But when he re-appeared, I suddenly remembered how fun it used to be. Laughters everywhere. He made me feel like the me I used to be. No worries, no pretends. Just being me. I liked it. Very much. But I doubt that he knows.

I told myself I would not fall for him again. It's too dangerous. Not when my heart still loves XX. But I guess some old flames are hard to be completely extinguished. Little by little, when he made me feel like the old me, some of the little feelings I had for him began to resurface. What should I do? And he was no help either by using endearment terms with bits of hints here and there.

Till one day, made a fool of myself. *sigh* I unconsciously told him that I might be falling for him again. Would he stay this time? Sh*t! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Should had just changed my number after that and pretend that I no longer existed on Earth. But I did not. And so the next day,he told me ever so sweetly, he can't. 'Coz he was afraid that he would not always be able to be there for me when I need him. So why don't we take things slow for a mo' and be spontaneous. Go with the flow and see what happens. Me, being the idiotic person who can never really explain what I wanted to actually say, I just said OK.

So, almost a year had past. What has happened to us? Few calls once in awhile with some sms-es in between. Few I miss you's were exchanged with a joke here and there.

Then the bombshell. 2 weeks ago, after a concerned conversation, he told me he's getting married next year.

......

And what did I say in reply? "Congrats!" "I'm so happy for you!"

:'(

Yes I know. Stupid me. But what else should I had said?

So, I told myself that it's ok. It was never meant to be between us. And I continued on with my happy face plastered outside, not knowing what else I should do or say.

But, are you ready for another Earth-shattering news?

When I couldn't take it any more, I turned to my old bestie, who happened to be friends with the old-flame guy. I told her that I didn't know that we were supposed to stop being spontaneous until he told me that he's getting married. :'( Guess what she told me ...

She asked, getting married? To whom? 'Coz a few weeks ago, he just broke up with one of her friends. She din tell me anything about them being together because she thought there was nothing happening between us.

So, all this while he was in a relationship with another? That was all I could think of.

What did I do to deserve all this?

I give up.