Destiny?

A night out together.

Drinks.

Small talks. Chit Chats.

Little memorable gestures.

Jokes.

Smiles. Laughters.

That infectious laughter I love to hear.

Feeling of comfort. Cosy.

A hug. A peck on the cheek. 

A suppressed sigh.

Unfulfilled dreams.

Life. Fate. Destiny.

Seriously?

Okay. 

Fresh start. New clean slate. 

PLEASE!!!! 

 A sister? Seriously? 

Like serious seriously??

*sigh*

Fine.. Sister then..

*Adjustment mode on*

I did it again...

Hi. Hello. When was the last time I wrote? I think that would be roughly at the beginning of this semester, around 6 weeks ago.

And so ... what has happened since 6 weeks has gone by?

1. Half of the semester has gone. 6 weeks left to finish!

2. I have an awesome room mate that keeps me laughing most of the time.

3. I have tonnes of work to be done but I keep getting lazier as time passes.

4. Its been a while but I am sure now I only see that person as a friend.

5. I've gotten myself a new piercing. My last and final piercing.

6. I am trying to lose weight for Prom which is on the 30th of Sept.

7. I am homesick.

8. My heart might be in trouble again.

So, that is pretty much a summary of all that has happened in the 6 weeks I haven't been writing.

I dunno why but I do feel extra lazy this sem. The nearer it gets to the end, the more I want to just have fun and enjoy around with the girls here. Funny right? *sigh* There are times when I am super rajin, I will be doing all my work in a fast-paced mode. But once that dose of laziness is here, sayonara la everyone. I will be on the bed, reading craps and just being lazy.

Right now, my heart might be in trouble again. I won't say anything more. I'm tired to keep on talking about my heart. What I know for sure now is that I am missing some one and I know that it is pointless because he sees me as a friend only. End of story.

Ok bye. need to be rajin a bit and do some readings. Eh, not some. A LOT!!

Until the next post,

xoxoxo

This and That. Here and There.

Hello. It's been a while. Did anyone miss me? I doubt it. No one ever reads my blog. Hahaha.

So, what has been happening? Last sem's results are out (I passed all my units. Yea me!). Sem break's over. I'm back in Miri again. New and final sem starts on Monday. Lost a few friends during the sem break. And, I met up with that some one in Kuching last week.

Refering to my previous post, that some one did not meet up with me in Miri. That saved me a lot from having a nervous breakdown. Haha. And because I would be in Kuching for a friend's wedding, took the chance to meet up with him. Was I nervous? Hell yeah! Super nervous! Felt as if I had to sit for an exam paper and I had not enough revisions. Hahaha.

How did it went?

I made a fool of myself. Because I was super nervous, I clammed up. Got tongue-tied. And so, I think he has the impression that I am a boring person. He kept on asking, "Are you ok?". *sigh* After 7 years, thats the best I could do??? So sorry, but you make me so nervous! And shy.

Can I rewind that evening again and talk more? Ask more? Relax more? But alas. We can never turn back the hands of time. Hahaha. So I just hope, if we were to meet up again (hopefully soon!), I'd be more talkative. More like myself. And can I be more mature?? Coz he's calling me an innocent kid. :S Can't help it, thats just the way I am.

Better go and sleep now. Had a tiring journey. Can't wait for Monday to come! And Sunday! Gonna meet a friend that's gonna be my room mate this sem. FunFunFun!! :)

xoxoxo

Moments of Insecurities...

I am supposed to be revising for my finals. But lately, a lot has happened. Knowing me, I can't pay full attention until I let off some of the load I'm feeling. Where else can I do that except here? ;)

Are you happy being single? Some one asked me that question few days ago. I happily told that person, Yes. Comparing me to the person I was last year and the year before, I am so much more happy. Some friends tell me to take my time to heal before venturing into the world of relationships again. Others would tell me be brave and just try again. But hey, I'll just smile and say, "We'll see".

The truth is, this heart of mine is still afraid. Bcoz from what I've been through, everytime I fall for someone, it would either not work out or I would end up being hurt real bad.

So for now, whenever some one asks me, I'll just smile.

Moving on to something else that is completely has no link to what I've talking about earlier.... Tonight I'll be praying extra hard for strength. There's something I have to do tomorrow that I dread. I am afraid but I know I have to do it.

Ok, back to studying. I can't wait for Monday to come. Not because I'm super clever and can't wait to sit for my paper. But because I'll be meeting one of my reason that made me smile throughout this semester.

xoxoxo

I miss....

Hello there poppets!! ;)

Dunno why but that phrase just popped up. So random.

Lately I've been in a lovey-dovey mood. Went to sleep at night listening to songs like Jason Derulo's What If. Maybe its because of all these wedding invitation that I have been receiving. Up till today, I've received 7 wedding invitation and also 2 engagement invitations. So, lovey-dovey mood kicking in...

I'm not saying that I desperately wanna be in a relationship. No, I'm happy now. Enjoying my life with the new circle of gfs and thr environment they bring. But sometimes at night, I kinda miss some things that only being in a relationship can provide.

I kinda miss playing around with sum1, being just the silly me and giggling to whatever silly jokes that only we get.

I miss feeling so small and vulnerable in the arms of sum1 that loves me. I miss the cosy, protected feelings.

I miss the quietness and content feeling when i'm with sum1.

Yes, yes, I know I'm a dreamer. But hey, thats just me. ;)

I miss a lot of things, but I'm not in a rush. When the time is right, I guess I will feel all those again. With the right person. Til then, I'll just smile and enjoy each and every passing day to the fullest.

;)

Don't.

Dear tears, don't visit me tonight k?

I received a missed call from ***** just now. I dunno what she wants. Texted XX to tell about d miss call that I received. Now feeling a bit sad.. I am moving on, being happy without XX in my life anymore. I don't need ***** to pop in and remind me how happy she is with XX. Thanks, but no thanks...

Although this sem has been hectic to the point if me getting sick from all the workload, I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have new friends around me. I'm grateful for the new environment that my Heavenly Father has placed me in. I will learn to be strong and believe one day my heart will learn to completely forgive and won't be afraid to start all over again. I place my heart unto the hands that I trust the most and the one that I know will never desert me.

Just a while ago, I was listening to Avril's song tittled Goodbye Lullaby. Can't help feeling sad. Perhaps that will be my lullaby for tonight.

Off to bed. Early right tonight? I'll wake up early tomorrow and continue my last assignment for this sem. Time really does fly by right? Been acknowledging to myself that I am officially single for 9 months now, even though I know it has been more. I will be strong and forget the past.

I'll blog again soon with happy events. Nites.

xoxo

Hopeless...

In reality it would be hopeless in ever meeting you again.
So can we meet up in my dreams?
My dreamland would also become my fantasyland.
A place to forget the harsh reality.
So, let's go.
I'll wait.

Early morning!

6.30 in the morning and I'm at the beach. The sound of waves crashing on the shores are the most soothing sounds for me. It always have been. I love the beach. Why are people wasting their time sleeping when they can be strolling?

From where I'm sitting, I can see the jetty. Haven't been there for quite a while. But I guess, I don't really wanna go there... The memories, ah! Go away! :(

Last night was horrible. Simply horrible. I was really looking forward to this. But last night, I locked myself in the bathroom, quietly crying my heart out. Plain torture ok? I know I've said I moved on. But as strong and patient as I seem, I don't have enough strength to just sit there and watch someone I used to love being lovey-dovey with someone else. Pure torture okay?

Ok, I hear questions asked in why am I torturing myself like this. FYI, it was supposed to be us friends only. But then, ***** couldn't trust XX and so tagged along. Fine, I told myself I will be okay. I'll just talked to my other friends, XX's cousin. But then, she bailed. Said she was too tired to join us. Argh!! So it was only the 3 of us left. Damn. If I knew my other friend would bail, I would rather not come along. Eventhough I haven't seen XX for almost a month now, I'd rather not meet XX at all then torture myself...

But I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it. Going to jump into the pool later and just ignore ***** for the whole day. She's caused me so many pain. So I don't think I owe her anything. K gtg. Sandflies are killing me.

Gtg and put on my smiling face again. :)

xoxo

Updates Updates Updates

How long has it been? Time really do fly by. April is coming to an end soon. Can't believe this. *sigh*

So..... What's new? Nothing much actually. Still have tonnes of assignments to do but I'm so lazy. I've recovered from my fever+flu+cough. Hm.. What else?

Been around with a new group of friends now. God really is answering my prayer.. :)

Once in a while when I let myself drift back towards my past, I feel all the heartache and longings rush back to me, full blast. I know I shouldn't be doing this but, I dunno. I'm still a fool I guess. Thats why I am really greatful for this bunch of new friends around me. A change of scenery I guess. At least being with them doesn't always reminds me of the past.

Ok. I better go now. Wanna watch a movie. Need to pay attention. :)

xoxo