Pillow Talks at 3am

9th of  November.

What the hell did I do?

Why the hell did I do it?

He came to my place yesterday around 12am, with his friend. Drunk and still ongoing with the drinking. Oh the noisy laughters of a drunk-head, and yet the infectious laughter that I love and missed. So, talked ( at least they did, I was busy laughing silently) til around 2am. Then his friend went to sleep. He was supposed to sleep as well, being super drunk and all. But he did not.

Ended up talking.

Ah me, the things he told me. The things he advises. The way he said it all.

With him it is always about Fate and Destiny.

Things could have been different between us, but here we are.

Having a comfortable close "brother-sister" relationship.

Fate. Destiny. Life.

Maybe he doesn't know or even realize, but its the little things he did that morning that keeps me smiling today. How he'd pinch my nose when I smile at stuffs he advised, or how he'd ruffle my hair when I agree on certain points of the conversation. The little smile he has when he looks at me. *slapself!*

And that morning, he whispered, "Find someone better. I'm sorry that I am not the one."

"I love you girl, but as a sister."

He never said that.

And he is saying all these when he is drunk.

People say, the words of a drunken are the ones they say from their heart.

I have to be grateful for what I have now.

Don't be selfish and wish for more.

Will listen to his advises, that he repeated over and over again.

But after he left that morning, I will not deny.

I cried. 

For the things that will never be.

*sigh*

Found this poem online.

It says exactly everything I felt.

But A Suppressed Sigh by Anju Addanki

 Nor are you my life.

Nor the air I breathe

Nor I say 'Without you-oh dear I can't live! 

For in such untrue words

My heart doesn't believe

Throughout the life for someone; 

No one ever grieves! 

If it's destiny

and you can't be mine

In your sorrow I won't die! 

Nor this heart

In grief will I tie

With time and wisdom, 

This passion will fly for you! 

No more like today, 

My tears for you will dry! 

Forgetting, this bitter phase

I'aspire for and high! 

No regrets

No complaints, 

My life will pass by! 

But then! There's something-- 

I shouldn't lie-- 

In silence of lone nights--

Life

Without you--

Will be-- 

But, a deeply SUPPRESSED SIGH! 

Exactly how I felt the whole day after our talk.

Gonna try to sleep now.

I am such a mess today.

Thank God for friends around me and the BBQ that helped distract me a bit.

And thank God for more distractions in the days to come.

xoxo

Byul (Stars)

My all time favourite song since the first time I saw the 200 Pound Beauty movie.

Translation

The wind is shaking the windows,

and over my small room.
The stars fill up the sky,

shining brightly too many to count.
The stars reassure tired me,
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

"Don’t be hurt too much"

They hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep.

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,
though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short,

I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart,
Like those countless number of stars,

forever

My dream is coming.

Though it is unusual that my one star is bright.
It is very bright, even blinding.

It comes down to my shoulder.

"Stop being so sad"

It holds my hand as it touches me and gives me a warm hug

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,

though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get.

Even though our happy times were short,

I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars,

forever

Only for today,

I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart

Like those countless number of stars,

forever.

 

Forgive me...

...but I lied.

You told me it would be hard to find another if I would stick to you. You said it would be hard cause I would be comparing everyone else with you. You said I would miss out a lot if I did not open up my eyes to the other possibilities in life.

And what did I answered?

I smiled and told you not to worry because I would not compare.

But I lied.

Unintentionally.

How can I not compare? 

It's the little things that made me smile.

Sure, we're nothing more than friends that are comfortable with each other.

And I am fine with that.

But still, forgive me.

I am comparing. 

Even though just a bit.

What is Hope?

Do I look like I am still hoping?

How should one stop hoping?

Yes, I am hoping.

But then, people should know....

The things that we hope for changes as time passes.

Today I may be hoping for something, 

then tomorrow I might be hoping for something else.

"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all" ~ Emily Dickinson

So keep on hoping people.

But don't let it stop you from living.

xoxoxo

A song that belongs to my past

I don't know why, but today this songs popped into my head and is stucked there ever since. Making me unstable. Gahh!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ni Na Me Ai Ta
(You Love Her So Much)


zhi dao ai xiao shi ni cai dong de
You will only understand after love disappears
qu zhen xi shen bian mei ge mei hao feng jing
To appreciate all the beautiful scenery in front of you
zhi shi ta zao yi li qu
It's just that she has already left earlier
zhi dao ni xiang tong ta zao yi jing
Until you've thought it over,she has already
bu zai dui ni liu lian
Lost all her love for you
zui hou de ni
In the end
kai shi le yi duan zheng zha
You found yourself tangled in a struggle


ni na me ai ta
You love her so much
wei shen me bu ba ta liu xia
Why didn't you make her stay
wei shen me bu shuo xin li hua
Why didn't you say the words of your heart
ni shen ai ta
You love her deeply
zhe shi mei ge ren dou zhi dao a
Everyone knows that


ni na me ai ta
You love her so much
wei shen me bu ba ta liu xia
Why didn't you make her stay
shi bu shi ni you shen ai de liang ge ta
Is it that you have two of her that you love deeply
suo yi ni bu xiang zai rang zi ji wu fa zi ba
That's why you don't want to make it hard to pull yourself out of this

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, off for class.

xoxo

Wait..

Wait For Me by Rebecca St. James

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me
wait for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait
Wait for me
Darling wait
Cause I'm waiting for you
Cause I'm waiting for you
So wait for me
Darling wait
Wait for me 

October Octopus

October is here. Finals will be here soon. Damn. I am so not ready. Will have to start my revision soon. *sigh*

Okays... Since I am feeling a bit sleepy now, I will just go straight to the point. This post will be on 2 topics.

(1) Curtin Prom

(2) Vision of my future [Maybe]

So, Curtin University of Technology's Prom Night 2011.

30th of September 2011

Imperial Hotel, Miri Sarawak.

Theme : Red Carpet Soiree

Kudos to Ian for the lovely picture.

Gratitudes to Mamik for this group photo of my girls and I. 

Prom was ok. Night out to spend with the girls. 

It was the After Party that tired me out. Plus with the swimming activity I did the next day. Whoa. My feet was like numb for the whole day right up til Sunday (02/10). What do you expect when you've been wearing heels for almost 9 hours? Haha. Yes, beauty is pain. But still, I'd say it was worth it. Coz I had fun. :)

And so, moving on.

Cooked dinner with one of my bestie aka roommate. After we finished eating, we were just sitting there. Talking about random stuffs that has been happening. Then all of the sudden, she said to me "I have a vision of you in the future. Its a picture of you, standing next to a guy. The guy is tall, fair-skinned and has good body shape. He has a calm expression but I can see that he is also sweet and funny. Easy to get along with, talks a lot but at times can be quiet. He has a good job and has a high position in his job." 

Ok, that freaked me out. Coz, this girl here, she always has these instincts of when something good or bad is going to happen. And so far, her instincts are always right. So, to have her suddenly say all this while we wee in the middle of a conversation about some random stuff, scary. And that's not all she said. After laughing around to calm down when hearing she said all that, she continued again.

"He will be wearing a white-collared shirt. You are standing on his right. At the time the pic was taken, you both just started to know each other. I can see that coz the both of you are not standing close together. And I know how you like to pose for pics. But in this pic, you were very shy."

"I can see his face clearly. If he were to walk by me, I will be able to recognize him."

Actually, the whole time she was talking about this guy, there is one person on my mind and I hoped it was not him. When I told her, she immediately said, "No, he is not the one. I saw his pic and they are not the same guy."

Scary right? Wanna know what is more scary after that? Browsed through pictures of friends in FB and when she saw one, she straight-away laughed and hide her face. Then looked at me and said, "Remember k? He is wearing a white-collared shirt. Remember."

Damn. Scary.

Ok, off to bed. Huhuhu

xoxoxo

Damn.Damn.Damn~

#songstuckinmyhead #onrepeat 

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

Who has been in my mind throughout this song?

No one in particular.

I just love this song.

Avril Lavigne's song.

Loved her from her first song.

:)

Summer kisses, Winter tears

Yes, irrelevant tittle again.

That song was stuck in my head for no reason. 

Weird.

So tonight, I am feeling a bit lazy.

I found a very interesting topic to talked about but, since the laziness is here, maybe I talk about that some other time.

So, went to the beach. Kidnapped my neighbour's dog and bought him along to the beach. 

Hahaha.

Al-right. A picture can say thousands of words right?

:)

Gazing towards the Future

"We will never know for certain what the future holds for us. For we can only plan. But God makes the decisions. Trust in Him." 

Through thick and thin?

"No matter how difficult the challenges ahead may be, if there's a trusty friend by your side then you will make it through."

Okay. That's all for now. 

:)

xoxoxo

Red is Sexy??

Just a random post on a Sunday evening. Wasting precious time before going off to the beach for a jog later. Hm, I have lots of sunset pics from my jogging activities. Maybe will post 'em up later when I'm free (or procrastinating). ;)

Yesterday, the girls and I went shopping for Prom. Yes, Prom is coming real soon!! This Friday, 30th September. The theme, Red Carpet Soiree. 

And so, while out Prom accessories hunting, we went hunting for that Oh-So-Sexy Red lipstick that matches us. Tried on so many that I got really tired of lipsticks. And FYI, I am soooo not a lipstick person. *sigh* But then, we found the colour that seems okay... (And means more to me I guess. Coz I really dun look good in lipsticks.) 

And, girls being girls, once we have one something new, what else do we do best?

CAM-WHORING!!

Hahaha.

Red is OH-SO-SEXY-HOT!!

Hahaha.

Okthanksbye!!

xoxoxo